HOW I can



picture from: thesaleslion.com

 I went to a writing class a few weekends ago and the facilitator asked a deep question (well, it was deep to me anyway). She asked, "What would you have accomplished if writing was your full time job?"

Well at first I said (to myself), "Duh! I'd have several books completed and I'd be touring right now."

Then she elaborated. She asked what personal accomplishments would be under your belt? What things would you be doing as a part of your normal day? Would you be taking yoga each morning before you wrote? Would you spend every third Wednesday manning the phones at the support center? Would you be taking those cooking classes that you keep talking about?

It seems we always plan the activities for "when we get there" (wherever "there" is).  When we get the better job. When we've saved a few more dollars. When little Johnnie and Susie graduate high school. There are so many thing that we can do NOW that we put off until "the time is right". Why aren't you doing those things now? Is it money? Time? Energy? Really think about it and figure out why you aren't doing those things.

Pick something -- that one thing that you really want to do. It can be big or small, that doesn't matter. Now that you are thinking about that thing, can you do it? Really, take away the excuses and figure out HOW you can. Don't think about the "why you can't". Only think about the "HOW I can".

I'll let you in on a little secret. Going to that class was a HOW I can. Moneywise, timewise, energywise and just plain "worthywize" I couldn't see how in the world I could fit some writing classes into my life. Once I decided to do it, it was easy.

I found a writing group a little bit outside of where I live. It's not a formal group. Some meetings it's twenty people. Some meetings its four. Sometimes there's a formal presentation with a guest and finger sandwiches. Sometimes there a copied, copy of a copy that you read on your own and you ask for a breath mint from the person next to you. The ladies aren't "formal" writers (there has been a guy there twice). Each of them writes in their own time, at their own pace. They will critique your work if you'd like or they'd just smile at you as you come in and leave. You can talk during the meeting if you want or just keep to yourself. There are older members and there are really young members. There's one young lady that's 16 in the group. She's written and published 2 books. The oldest member is publishing her first book this summer. It's a "just as you are" group and it's wonderful.

So far I've been to a few meetings. Each time we pay $5 in dues. They told me that they've never had a big time speaker of their own but they have traveled together to see big time speakers. I've only been there for one formal speaker but I traveled with them to a workshop just outside of Atlanta.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I received an email last night from one of the members. She told us that she was moving from her home and going to stay with a friend in NYC. She had found an agent there and was going to work part time during the day and offer workshops in the evenings and Saturday's. She already has workshops booked for June, July and August.

I was jealous. I really was. Why wasn't it me sending that email? Well, except the part about NYC. I don't want to live there. It gets too cold in the winter. The "It shoulda been me" song (my fave version) went through my head and I got a little sad. But, I kept a stiff upper lip and sent an email back telling her how happy I was for her and I wished her the best. She emailed me back and told me that she expected me to send the same note as soon as I started using my "HOW I can"s.

Lissa, I'm going to start using my HOW I can right now. Save me a spot on the workshop roster for next summer!

Dear Thief (part three)

Sigh. Life for me is never dull or boring. Most of the time it's down right funny (well you know, later, after the pain subsides). It's a thrill a minute for me.

If you don't remember the Dear Thief chronicles, take a second to (re)acquaint yourselves.

Dear Thief part 1

Dear Thief part 2


Today's hilarious tale begins with the fact that my bedroom gets a little warm in the evenings (and no, not from any hot action or anything). I have three, large windows in my room that let in beautiful sunlight and also warmth. By 4pm in the afternoon it's super warm and I need to circulate some air around.

So, I decided to have some ceiling fans put up. When I first moved into the apartment, management told me that the maintenance guy could handle stuff like that for me...for a small fee. Cool. I told management to have him call me.

Long story made short, the mainenance guy contacted me and said he'd put up the fans for $30 total. That's pretty sweet! I'd made some calls and gotten much higher fees. So, this morning dude called me to let me know he'd be putting up the fans for me today. I said great. He asked if he could swing past later to pick up payment. I said of course. I get home about 7pm. I asked him if I needed to meet him somewhere.

He said, "Nope. I'll just come down. I live upstairs in 1130."

Son-of-a-biscuit-eater! You mean "the man" has been stealing power?! You've been working for the complex the whole time? What the hell?!


Sigh (again).
I sure do need one of those "SYWM" t-shirts right about now (and an adult slushee)! That takes the cake!!

But, it fits right in with the rest of my life, I suppose.

ps - I'd love to sport a "SYWM" t-shirt but where in the hell would I? Maybe Aunt Becky can make buttons instead? Pencils? An ink pen? That's a free idea Auntie B. I won't even charge you!

A Little Talk With Jesus ('s Dad)

photo credit - kirklanddentistry.com

SuperMommie: (from the dental chair earlier today) "God, do you have a minute?"

God: "Sure I do. Shoot."

SM: "Well Sir, I'm sitting here in this dentist chair..."

God: "Yesss. I can see that."

SM: "Well, this nice doctor man has been trying to get this root out of my tooth and it's starting to hurt. It's been an hour and a half already and you know he tried to do the same thing a few weeks ago and he had to stop."

God: "I recall that. I WAS there as well."

SM: "Well, yes, Sir. I'm not doubting that. I was just wondering if you can fix it so that he can get the rest of the root out and close up the wound."

God: "Why hurry? Don't you want him to do a good job?"

SM: "Of course, Sir, Your Supremeness, I just would like to feel less pain."

God: "First of all, oh favorite child of mine, I recognize sarcasm. Cut the Sir crap."

SM: "Yes Sir, I mean ummm, Dad."

God: "That's better. Now, I don't always take pain away like that. Just ask Jesus."

SM: "Oh, right. That's true. But can I have a small exemption from pain?"

God: "A small exemption from pain? Really? Remember last week when you almost cut your finger tip off... again?"

SM: "Oh, yes..."

God: "And remember how the car 2 cars behind you got into an accident and not you?"

SM: "Last week. I remember. Was that meant for me?"

God: "Maybe. Maybe it's just part of my guilt for you".

SM: "I thought you let Grammie pass out the guilt."

God: "I dole it out every now and then. Remember all that crap you ate last week and I didn't add any more weight onto your oh so petite frame?"

SM: (under my breath) "Talk about sarcasm."

God: "I can hear you. Anywho, I take care of the things that REALLY need to be taken care of. Trust me, this pain is nothing. This nice doctor man is good at what he does. Just relax. I'll make the pain pills work really well later. I won't let it hurt in the middle of the night when you are in the middle of a naughty dream."

SM: (smiling - kinda - I'm in the dentist chair) "Oh, thanks you know about the pills and the dream. That's nice to know."

God: "And, I have a surprise for you. You know that thing you keep wishing for and praying for? Well, I'll go ahead and give it to you!"

SM: (frantically) "Which thing? How soon?"

God: (voice muffled) "I'm talking to SuperMommie right now. Oh, he is? I need to talk to him. Look SuperMommie I gotta go."

SM: "Wait, God, Sir, please, which thing and how soon?"

God: "Patience my child. The big thing and soon. I've gotta run. Go With God My Child."

SM: (thinking God hung up cause he gave his sign off) "Crap! Which effin thing and how effin soon?"

God: "I heard that and not as effing soon as you'd like."

SM: "Damn it!"

Dear Thief (part two)

So perhaps you read Dear Thief before it became part one. Well, the jackarse not only defied belief by reattaching the cord out the window, but they nailed it along the wall so you couldn't see it. If I hadn't been spying on the people out front I never would have seen it!!

Let me tell you, this time I was pissed off! You are BLATANTLY trying to rip off this system. So... I called the power company directly.

PowerLady: "Restitution Department." (I am not lying. That's the name of the department).

Supermommie: "Um hi (whispering). I need to report someone that I think, no, I mean I'm pretty sure that they are stealing power."

PowerLady: "Are you standing outside, because if you aren't, you don't have to whisper."

SuperMommie: "Oh, right, sorry."

So I tell her my story and you know what they told me? They have already been out to the complex.

SM: "So I'm not the first person to report this?"

PL: "You aren't even the second."

SM: "Get out of town! So y'all are gonna come back out, right?"

PL: "Yes ma'am we are. We take theft of power very seriously."

SM: "I do too," I said smiling. Then I remembered something very important.

SM: "Hey, I can remain anonymous right?"

PL: "Yes ma'am, you can."

SM: "Am I still illegible for a reward?"

PL: "There isn't a reward."

SM: "Oh, ok."

So I've officially become a snitch and you know what? I don't give a rat's ass! I just plopped down over $100 last month AND my water bill just went up by $11. I'm a single super mommie. I don't have extra money hanging around.

As I have stated once before...if I gotta pay for power, you gotta pay for power.

I still don't understand why there isn't a reward!

Dear Thief...

Dear Jackarse In Apartment 1130,

Yes, I told on you. I told on you long and hard and I LOVED it! You wanna steal? Do it somewhere else buddy! If I gotta pay for power, so do effin you!
==================================================

So last week I was off work cleaning up the old hacienda. I had picked up some new pillows and I was spring cleaning the hell outta the place. I went to open the curtains and let some of the beautiful rays of sun in when I noticed an orange cord dangling past my bedroom window.

That's not right! So, I decided to take out my trash (as a ruse for seeing what was going on). You see, our complex has valet trash (hell yeah!) and I don't have to walk my fat bee-hind to the trash dump. It's a nice perk I think others think it's pure-d-lazy. I say, so what?!

Anywho, that day I did and on the way back I realize the cord is coming from apartment 1130.

Well, I called the front office and they sent the maintenance team (two guys in a golf cart) to look at it. They surveyed the area, decided that yes, the folks were stealing power and they unplugged the cord. I guess they musta talked to them too cause the cord was gone when I got back from shopping.

So I go along my merry way spreading joy and happiness everywhere I went and then wham! Sonofabiscuteater! Guess what I saw when I pulled in my "un-assigned but chosen by me" parking space?! They had hooked a YELLOW cord to the same box and had it hanging from the front window.

So... back to my letter.
==================================================


So people in 1130, do you think I'm stupid? It doesn't matter the color! An ORANGE, RED, YELLOW or BLUE cord dangling from the window plugged into the power grid must mean you are stealing power!

Just so you know -- I will call the front office every damned time I see the cord. No, I'm not mean but I'm struggling to make ends meet just the same as you. Every time the power people send me a bill I scream and cuss same as everyone else. But, I pay it and in return for paying it, the nice people at the power place let me have another month's worth of power.

Try it you thief!

I know it sounds harsh but I gotta pay so you gotta pay too! I have no tolerance for people that cheat the system and then I have to pay for your thievery. I've seen that big monstrosity of a truck you drive everyday. Your rims cost more than my car! Sell the rims and pay for power.

If you will steal power, do I need to watch out for my valet trash bin? Are you gonna steal that too? What about my front door mat? Must I tape it down?

I believe my fave Sting song is appropriate here -

Every breath you take, Every move you make, Every bond you break, I'll be watching you.
Signed,

PISSED off neighbor in 1110.

(climbs off the horse).

** hell no, that's not the real apartment number. Do you think I'd really tell you where I live?!

Tiara Troubles: BFs and BFFs



photo credit: leehansen.com

I'm gonna start a little segment called "Tiara Troubles". It's going to be all about the trials and tribulations of teenage princesses -- the ups and downs and inbetweens of middle school and high school royalty. Parents of teen girls, lend me your ears.

Why in the "h" didn't you tell me about this craziness! I spent a great deal of time this weekend listening to the sobs and wiping away the tears of a girl (STILL) infatuated with a summer camp crush and dissed by a crappy BFF.


Her crush this past summer, well, he was an older boy (like mother/like daughter). He was a rising 9th grader and she was a rising 8th grader. Over the summer she mooned over the boy and I had to hear about it every single day. I met the boy the third week of camp. I had the opportunity to speak with him and his dad, just casual like. After the conversation, I didn't have the heart to tell her that he has no interest in her whatsoever. He treated her just like any 9th grader would treat an 8th grader that has a crush on him. He was polite. He looked after her --- like a little sister.

That mess is gonna hurt like crazy when she finds out. More tears. Crap. Add facial tissue to the grocery list.

And the crappy BFF? Well, she was a kid that lied a lot and treated all of her "friends" pretty rotten. First time I met her, I knew she was going to be trouble. But, kids have to figure these things out for themselves sometimes. I told The Princess this in August but when did it hit her? March. The kid got upset because The Princess gets to go on the 8th grade field trip and she doesn't. So, she called The Princess some pretty bad names. The Princess ignored her and then ignored all her weekend texts -- except the one on Sunday night that said, "You are a bad friend. I don't want to be friends any more."

So Sunday night there were tears at 11:30pm, tears and snot at 1:30am, and tears, snot and swollen eyes and nose at 3:30am. And, she woke me up each time. What a way to start daylight savings time -- with the loss of more than an hour of sleep!

But she got through it just fine. She deleted the girl's info from her cell phone and when the girl tried to be friends with her on the bus Monday morning, she said no thanks and began reading her book. So, I asked her about all the tears and she says she's over it now. She realizes that the crappy BFF was just that, a crappy BFF.

Thank God, cause a Super Mommie's gotta get her beauty sleep! I mean, she's so beautiful she doesn't need much, but she does need some.

At least until the next teen meltdown.

That will probably occur this Sunday at 11:47pm.

A Dental PSA

My mouth is jacked up! Did I mention that I have a boat load of dental appointments coming up? You don't even want to know how much work I need to have done over the next year (gotta string it out to pay for it all). I have so much work that needs to be done, the dentist had her kid's private school send me the bill for this quarter. I asked her if one of the chairs in the waiting room could be my own personal chair. She said for what I'm paying I can have 3 chairs.

But I digress. The reason for today's post was because of a conversation I overheard while waiting to pay for getting molar 7, bicuspid 2 drilled and roots pulled (ok, perhaps that was not the tooth number, but it might have been). The lady in front of me had to have some major dental work done (more major than me - imagine that) and she had just found out that she had crap insurance.

No, I don't mean she had insurance that only paid 70% or 50% or even some wacky deductible. I mean she had been paying high insurance premiums only to find out that it only deducted 20% off of cleanings and 15% off of everything else. 15% off of a root canal is still like $8972, right?

She broke down right at the cashiers desk. I wanted to cry right along with her. That's some serious crapola. She cried about having to pay almost $200 a month only to discover that she could have just saved the money and paid for the procedures herself. She's right.

They offered to put her on a payment plan and once half of each procedure was paid, she could begin work. She agreed to that and then left the office. I asked Kimmy (no, I have no idea if that's her name but she looks like a Kimmy) how often she heard stories like that. She calmly said, at least once a day.

I dropped the cute little dentist pen (that I was planning on putting in my purse) on the floor.

ME: "Are you kiddin' me?"

KIMMY: "Nope."

ME: "Are you exaggerating?"

KIMMY: "Not even in the slightest."

Apparently tons of people pay into what they think is good dental insurance only to find out that they are actually part of a dental savings plan. And, Kimmy pointed out to me, while a few of the dental savings plans are pretty decent, most are crap.

KIMMY: "People don't know until they come in for something major that they have been paying into something that's not worth it."

ME: "But what about when they come in for cleanings and stuff?"

KIMMY: "People don't realize they are paying full price for a cleaning. I try to help them out but..."

Kimmy does seem to be a nice lady. She does try to help.

So what am I babbling on about? Well I'll tell you. I'm going to present a dental PSA. I hate when people try to get one over on other people. Read my words people and go tell the masses!

DO I HAVE CRAP DENTAL INSURANCE?
First step, find out what your insurance premium is. You can look on your pay stub and it will tell you what you pay for dental insurance. Or, if you pay for a dental savings plan, you can tally up what you pay into the plan each month/quarter.

Second step, call your dentist and find out what the cost of a regular cleaning is and the cost of a filling and a root canal. Cleanings aren't as expensive as you think. You may be paying big bucks into the system and not getting your money's worth out of it.

Final step, find out what the cost is with your insurance plan. The lovely folks at your dentist's office will let you know if you have great insurance, good insurance or shit insurance (sorry about letting one slip).

Sorry for the rant but I felt so bad for the lady in the dental office. I don't want you to be the lady in the dentists office. Know what you are paying for people!

PS - Kimmy said I could have then pen.

All The Pretty Little Things

I haven't written a word today. I need to write a love scene and my inner sexy has taken a break. She'll be back soon and I'll write it then.

Instead, I'm sitting at my desk pulling out my hair, strand by strand, wondering how long it will take me to go bald. It's. just. that. boring. today.

So, I clicked some links on the webbie-poo and thought I'd let you share in the fruits of my boredom.

This is awesome. I want one! - pencil

I would gain 20lbs making crepes all day - crepe pan

Looking at dressers today. Love it. Gotta find a sponsor to buy it for me - dresser

In my head I'm half British. Sites like this one cement it for me. - Go British

I think The Princess NEEDS these! - straws

My work husband makes this cake the best (I tried and it didn't turn out right). This recipe is sooooo good. Make it! - pound cake

Soft, sexy lips. Super, soft, sexy lips- lip shimmer

The smartest thing every made! brownie

Just darling. I wouldn't mind drinking tea from this - tea cup

Do not eat this sweet treat. How cute! - treat

Enjoy.

But The GPS Said To Turn Left!!

My original reason for blogging was just to talk. I wanted to have a voice and say something. Sometimes it would be funny (if only in my head) and sometimes it would be serious. Blogging was my only platform. It was my only platform because I didn't take the time to sit down, weave the words together into chapters and the chapters into books. Blogging for me, was easier and quicker and didn't require book cover art. Blogging allowed me to hide instead of yell out who I am. I practiced safe blogging so that no one could critique what I wrote. I changed names to protect the innocent (well, mainly to protect me). And that worked very well for quite some time.

Then I started to write books. I sat down, put yarn on the loom and began to write all kinds of gooey, goopy, hot and steamy words. And when I had written a lot of words I wrote THE END and put it on the shelf. Then, I started another group of words, even steamier than the first. This one will be one that I will force the world to read. Yep, I'm going to club people over the head and force them to read love stories.

Which brings me to my prior hiatus.

Writing and blogging at the same time can be difficult. You want to do your best with both things. You feel guilty about not blogging because you were writing and then you feel guilty because you took time away from writing to blog. And Lord help you if you take time away from either to have a life outside. You feel guilty all the way around and you poor people miss out, you know, all three of you.

Since blogging can be an ugly mistress, I am going to try to do better with my blogging. I'm going to attempt to spend more time with her, tell her how pretty she is and buy her nice things (like better clip art and stuff). But I am going to ask her to change just a little bit. You know, the way you tell your boyfriend that you love him just the way he is and then grumble once you're married and tell him to pick up his own damned underwear -- the same underwear you've picked up for 4 years.

I'm going to include more about writing and how it affects my life. Yes, I'll still mention the light hearted randomness that goes on in my life. I hope you find it just as enjoyable 'cause I'll be just as snarky but in a more focused direction.

Well, maybe. Once can never really tell, can you?

Stop Making God Mad!

Who in the hell pissed off God?! Seriously?! Who gave The Creator of all things, a headache? Apparently I need to find the sinner that pissed him off and bring that sinners head to him-- maybe on a silver tray, maybe in my bare hand with the nerves still dangling.

Perhaps then, once I bring Him this offering, He will allow the sun to come out and warm us poor bastards in the south! I woke up this morning and it was 23 degrees outside. Did you hear that? 23!!! It's been in the 20's for the past week! I've had to let my faucets drip each night (which is ANNOYING! - I have super sonic hearing!) and The Princess has dressed in record time so that she can get a ride to school. Standing at the bus stop is not even an option for her delicate soul.

It's not a secret that I do not like the cold, not one little bit. I live in Atlanta, so I tolerate it for the 4 - 7 days a year that we have cold weather, but this is ridiculous. I am seriously thinking of new WARM places to live. I'm sure I can find a job like mine in the tropics, right?

No, there's nothing more to the post. No cute quips, no prose or odes to winter, no witty repartee. I simply want to know who I must smite so that The Big G will let the sun come out and play.

And yes, unnamed sinner, I will smite you if it will bring the sun back.

Making A List And Checking It Twice

I love the holiday season. I can play Johnny Mathis christmas music and no one gets offended. People begin to make cookies and soups and cookies and hot chocolate and cookies and cakes and pies and cookies. What's not to love during this season?

Oh, that's right! I don't like shopping during the holdiay season. The stores are packed, the lines are five times as long, everyone is rude and it's cold outside! This year I'm going to shop from the comfort of my chair. This year I am going to powershop on the internet.

A friend of mine has been singing the praises of craigslist and another friend did ALL of her shopping by internet. I also had a friend that made all of her gifts. So this year, I'm going to do the same -- a little bit of all of them.

I'm going to make cookies for my co-workers (I love last years recipe), craigslist some big items (i need a dresser big time) and web browse all of The Princesses gifts. All her books, clothes and trinkets will come from on-line sources. I won't even step foot into stores for Christmas gifts (and only at 3am to do my grocery shopping!!).

So far, so good. I've ordered a magazine subscription, some books off amazon and a denium hat. Yes, the hat was free -- so what?! If I could get everything for free, I would!

75. Move somewhere super duper fabulous.

I moooooved! Hallelujah!

Let me tell you, the old place had just gotten crazy.  It was time to move on to greener pastures. So, I hitched up my wagon and moved exactly 1.5 miles east. Yep, that was far.

The move went without any major glitches. My moving company moved the big stuff (BIG-HUGE shout out to 2 Men and a Truck, the Decatur location. Those guys rock!!!) And, la familia moved the little stuff...a lot of little stuff! I have to give a big shout out to The Sister, The Sister's Friend and The Arteest for helping out big time. The Princess worked her little tail off too. High Five Girlie!

Oh! And Spy Grandma saw me moving. She wanted a hug! (Screams loudly in her head). I went right in the house and took a shower! I bet she put a tracking chip on my back. I wouldn't be surprised if I saw her at the new place (I'd probably pee my pants but I wouldn't be surprised).

Long story short, everything is great. There are a few annoyances that will work themselves out soon. Like --I have to wear an eye mask at night cause the street light shines in my south bedroom windows and I haven't hung the "black out" curtains yet; I have to be careful hanging curtains because I get charged for every nail hole in the wall at the end of my lease; I can't make eggs because I can't find my frying pan; I ran out of shelf paper and have to get some more before I could put up my spices and seasonings; I haven't been able to cook a real meal in a week and I am having cooking withdrawls; And, my land line (yes, I have one) doesn't

have all the feature working yet, BUT...

I sat on my patio Sunday night sipping wine and watching airplanes go by; I have a garden forest tub in my spacious bathroom with walk-in-closet; the morning light from the east window is soooo beautiful; My kitchen has plenty of cabinets and a pantry (!); My rental office is open when they say they will be open (9am - 6pm) and they will stay a few minutes later if need be; Paying your rent on line is FREE; The Princess L-O-V-E-S her room and ajoining bathroom; I have trash valet service (yep, I know!); and the cable people gave me free HBO for a year!

It's great. This weekend, I'll hang my pear pictures and my curtains. Anyone got any 3M curtain hanging ideas? So far I got PVC pipe and some 3M command strips.

What's In Your Casket?

I'm stealing borrowing a blog topic today. CG spoke a few weeks back on Tony Curtis and what he had placed in his casket when he died. I'm not big on the whole casket thing cause honestly, I want The Princess to have science people come pick up my body and in a year bring her back some ashes or something. When I go to the great Farmers Market in the sky, I don't want a funeral. No, no - don't send flowers. I can't smell them - you shoulda sent them while I was alive. Don't call to pay your respects - you shouldn't visited when I was alive. Ask me to lunch now, while I'm alive. I don't want singing or crying or anything but eating.

Yep, I want The Princess and anyone else that she decided to go to the Olive Garden and eat from the never-ending pasta bowl, soup and salad. Then I want her to go out for ice cream. AND, go watch Gone With The Wind (she can break it up into a weekend of activities if she wishes).

I don't want her spending thousands of dollars on a box that's gonna get dirty. I'd rather have future doctors look at parts of my body and go,

"Wow, those are some jacked up eyes! Good Lord how did she see?".

"Doesn't matter. Did you see her feet? They are really pretty!"

"Yeah but she couldn't see her feet. She didn't get to enjoy how pretty they were."

"That's okay. Every summer the world got to."

Yep, that's what the future doctors will say. And then they will giggle and listed to what the professor is saying.

BUT...if I did do caskets, I'd a good book with me. I don't know how long the wait is gonna be.
 

Fenks

You see that blog roll on the right side over there? Take a look at the one that says Sarcastically Yours. Yep, that one. That's the Tall Girl. I've known her for many years now. She gave me a gift today! She gave me my first housewarming gift! Two pictures; two big pictures; two big, nice pictures; two, big, nice pictures to go in my Salon de formale (3' X 3' dining room).


Her gift really got my creative juices flowing. I mean anytime you move into a new place, you get the opportunity to do something new, different, start fresh. I decided to change the color of my table to match the base color of the pictures and to add pears to the design of my Salon de formale. I'm going to stain the table.

Thanks Tall Girl.

Thanks for helping me spend more money that I don't have anyway!

I did it!!!

I know. I've been a horrible blogger.

But, guess what?!

I did it!

I finished #10.

I completed the first draft of my book!!

I'm doing the editing process now. And in two weeks I turn it over to my official editor and start on the next one.

Yeah!

Does that make up for me being a horrible blogger?

I thought it did!

What are you doing next month? I'm gonna write another book! Wanna know how?

http://www.nanowrimo.org/

Mid Year Assessment

At work I am preparing for my mid year assessment. That's where you, your boss and perhaps someone else that might be a reporting supervisor or team member or something else that has stuff to say about you, sit down and talk about the good, bad and ugly so far for the year. Also, you have to plan for how to complete the goals that you set December 2009 by December 2010.

Okay, I'll bite. Here's my 2010 mid year blog assessment.

1. It's September and I'm doing my mid year assessment. Need anything else on that? Nope? Didn't think so. I give myself a B considering I didn't even think to do a "self" self assessment in June or July.

2. I worked on my 101 in 1001 a little bit. Could I have done better? You bet your sweet patootie. Am I ashamed of what I've done so far? Nope! What can I do to prepare for December 2010? Finish some of the damned list - duh! I'm at 28%, I should be able to get to 35% by then. I give myself a B-.

3. Commenting on other Blogs - Well commenting on new blogs? D. Commenting on my blogger buddies blogs? B. What can I do better? Well I guess surf the net and find new blogs. Not sure that I have that kinda time though. We'll see.

4. Blog Content - Well, I think I'm funny. Even if YOU don't think I am, I think I am (how do you capitalize a capital I? Like that sentence for instance. I capped the YOU but you can't tell that I capped the I. Ponder that, will you?). Oh, and I've begun adding pictures to almost every post. That's pretty good, right? I give myself a B. I may not blog often but the stuff that I blog about is quality. Really, well kinda, but I give myself a B anyway. What can I do to improve? Well, my first order of business is to find out how to do that hover think where when you hover over a word or phrase you can see that the blog author wrote something really snarky or insightful. I'm gonna ask CG if she can help with this. And perhaps I can steal a more exciting life. Then I'd have 'funner' things to talk about.

5. Blog Look - I tried to change the color and stuff a few weeks ago. Then I got bored and stopped. I added a twitter feed. Doesn't that count? No. Okay. I give myself a C. I'll change the color or something later.

Much like my work assessment, I give up after 5. I can't think that hard and still stay awake. At work I wrote 5 reasonably reachable goals and the boss man gave me another one. Feel free to give me a 6th one bloggie friends. Not sayin I'm gonna do anything with it, but fire away.

Oh, yeah, are we getting blog-raises this year? Is it too soon to ask about it? Okay, just wondering.

Dear Summer,

Dear Summer,

SM is not happy right now. No, no. It's not you, it's me. We have had such a great time together. Remember those times I painted my toes and wore sandals? And remember that time you were all sunshiny and we shared frozen drinks together? Oh! And those times that we'd eat outside together? Boy, those times were great!

I looked at the calendar last night and you know what I saw? September 23. Do you know what that is? The first day of Autumn.

Yeah, I know. That means that really soon we're gonna have to break up for a little while. I don't know if you and Autumn are friends but she and I are only lukewarm. I don't really like her all that much. She's kind of cool towards me. She acts like you, but then she gets cool and I have to get a sweater. Then she gets warm again. She's too wishy-washy for me.

I also don't like her that much because after she comes along then Winter comes. Winter is on my sh*#t list. I can't stand her arse! She's all cold and frosty, like she's better that folks! I gotta put on extra clothes just to hang around her! And, she doesn't like my sandals or my tank tops. And, get this, she looks all sunshiny from the inside then you go outside and she's cold! I know. What kinda mess is that?

Oh, now Spring is okay. You know, her right? She gets warm but she brings these things that make me sneeze and stuff. I don't really like that but she tries to be friends. She really does. So, I tolerate her.

And then you come back to me and everything is right with the world. Yeah, I kinda have a crush on you. No, I don't want you to feel odd about it. I want you to embrace it. I do. I will yell to the world that I like you. I hope you like me back.

Well, since I know you are going away, I made you something. Yep! It's a photo album of our times together. It will keep us both warm while Autumn and Winter are here. Have fun while you're in Australia. Send me a postcard. I'll be thinking of you!

Yours,

It's Not You, It's Me.

I'll give you a sneak peek into my life.

You should be honored. I don't show people my soul very often.

It's explains my neglect of blogging (kinda).

I've been writing.

A book.

A cheesy, fluffy romance novel that you can read in 3 hours.

It's not life changing (well, it is for me).

It's not a wow, epiphany moment.

It's just girl meets boy, they decide they like each other, they 'do it' (cue fireworks), they meet families, they 'do it' some more (cue more fireworks), there's some fake complication, it gets worked out and then they get engaged.

55,000 words of fluffy goodness. Almost like a fluffernutter sandwich.

And when I'm done, well I'm not sure what I'll do, except probably write another one, and then another one, and then one day it's what I'll do all the time.

Sitting on my sunny patio, with my laptop and a mocho-choco-latte-ya-ya, typing out a romance to be sappier than all other romances -- that's what I want to do when I grow up.

It's what my passion is -- to write fluff. I want to give the world 3 - 6 hours of gooey, warm goodness and then let it go on it's way. You see, anyone that knows me knows that I'm all happy happy. I don't even like to watch sad movies (so no Tall Girl, I did not watch The N0teb00k. I gave it back).

So that's what I've been doing and why I've been so neglectful. Hopefully you can understand. And if you can't understand, then I understand.

Well, no, not really. If you don't understand, then I totally don't understand. But it's okay.

It's not right, but it's okay. I'm gonna do it anyway.

Let The Sports-athon Begin!

Today is the first day of the official football season. For most of you, it's the day you become football widows. For me, it's the start of sexy commentators in perfectly tailored suits talking about men running across a field wearing shiny, tight pants that shows off their super human strength and great arses.

Are you ready for some football?

In the time before cable my daddy would watch sports all weekend long. If it had two or more people or teams competing against each other, we were watching it, like it or not. Seriously, I've seen bowling on t.v.

Then high school came around and I became a water girl for our high school football team. I learned some of the mechanics but what I really learned was my love of the game. That wasn't the only game I watched. My best friend's father would watch baseball and I'd watch too. Back then the Braves weren't as hot as they are now. But I watched them anyway.

Last night I watched women's tennis. I don't remember the names of the ladies playing but the lady who had a baby 18 months ago won. It was a good match. I felt sorry for the other lady. Yep, I watched tennis.

Yeah, I know. You'd think I'd have dates out the wazoo. Nope! My ex didn't even like sports. Actually, I've dated more guys that never went to a sports bar than not. Sad.

But today it doesn't matter. Today at 12noon I'll watch the pregame show with my boys and then I'll watch some match ups all afternoon. I don't like beer so I'll have some wine with my beer nuts (popcorn). I'll yell at the t.v. and scream obscenities at the umpires.

It would be nice to have something to scratch though. You know, someone else's.

This Much I Do Know...

I was reading wholelivingmagazine and the last page has an article titled "the whole truth". It's a bunch of thought provoking questions asked to Rosannecash. I saw the questions and thought they were pretty good. So, since I'm really famous too, I thought I'd answer them here.

AND because I'm crazy like that, I added one or two really good questions that I've seen over the years.

If I could say one thing to myself 20 years ago...Good God the ride is gonna be interesting. Always remember, there's a reason for everything AND what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.

The lesson I keep learning over and over...the scorpion and the frog. No matter the situation, that lesson almost always applies.

Prized Possession...I know, you think I'd say The Princess but she isn't mine. She is only at my house on loan. In a few years she'll belong to the world and make it a better place for having known her. No, my most prized possession is a box of birthday cards that I keep. Some of them are from the Princess, some are from friends and family. All of them are funny, sweet and make me cry.

My mom was right about...Some kids at school teased me about the clothes I was wearing. I thought they were comfortable and I liked them. Mommie told me that it didn't matter what other people thought about me, my clothes, whatever. It mattered what I thought. I live by that motto to this day about most things - not just clothes.

My mom was wrong about...the phone. You have to handle it. Yes, that's in code.

My favorite place in the world...a porch with the sun shining, slightly off of me, with a cold slushie or a porch at night with the stars out, a glass of good wine and a great friend at my side.

Personal philosophy...You get five HaagenDas minutes and then it's done. Loosely translated - Go ahead and have a good cry. Then you need to put your big girl panties on and deal with it.

What keeps me up at night...Nothing (Because I refuse to worry. What good is that gonna do) and hopefully someone tapping my shoulder at 2 a.m.

Book that changed my life...Love You Forever. OMG! Every new mommie should read this book. The love you will feel for your child is captured perfectly in it.

My latest favorite quote...borrowed from Eat.Pray.Love.)"If I promise you that you will never have any reason in your life to ever worry about anything, will you believe me?"

Before I die I must see...Big Ben, London Bridge (the original one - it's not where you think!!), my book published, The Princess on screen (if that's what she REALLY wants to do).

What I know for sure...As long as I have faith, it will be alright.