Be Safe

Seeing a cell phone through the eyes of a budding teenager is pretty amazing. I've watched the Princess learn (very quickly) how to use the phone and The Sister has watched her learn (again, SUPER quickly) how to text.

We were all sitting at a family dinner last week and the Princess sent us all a text message asking us what we were doing. Well duh! We're sitting in front of you!

Doesn't matter. She just wanted to text. Thank God for ummm-limited texting.

She also likes to call. She calls everyone, just to see how they are doing, to tell them what she just ate or what she is going to eat or even what she would like to eat. She called me from the living room (I was ten feet away in my bedroom -yeah I know, tiny apartment) and asked me if she could get some pudding. Then when she finished, she sent me a "Thank You" text.

The final straw was when I was sitting at my mother's office, waiting to take her home and the Princess asked (texted) me what I was doing.

SM - "I'm sitting in Ma Mere's office waiting to take her home."

TP - "What time are you leaving to come pick me up?"

SM - "In a few minutes."

TP - "Okay."

SM - "I love you."

TP - "I love you too. Be safe."

Be safe? I like the fact that she is concerned for my welfare but where the hell did she learn that? I sure as hell don't say it. If I could have text her back I would have said, "ROTFLMAO. WTF?"

But that wouldn't be appropriate.

Oh, side note. I printed out a complete list of texting lingo. 46 pages. Half those words are ones that I've never even heard of. Half of them are words that the Princess can't use. And, half of them are ones that may or may not be acceptable.

I know, I can count. I'm just under stress. You can judge my math when YOU have a teenager-not until.

Who Needs A Fingertip?

You can't see it from the picture but I cut the hell outta my finger. This is 24 hours later. I couldn't take a picture as it was happening because, duh, I was bleeding. I didn't stop bleeding for an hour. I told The Princess to call Ma Mere if I passed out from blood loss. I don't think she cared.

I was trying to cut a pre-cut (shut up) bagel (for The Princess) and accidentally cut my finger tip damned near off instead. I dropped the bagel on the floor and ran to the sink to run it under cold water. That stung like hell!! I tried to apply pressure using towels and only succeeded in cause a laundry nightmare for myself.

And living with this type of injury isn't easy. I tried to put on my shirt with a towel wrapped around my still bleeding finger and got blood all over the damned place. The Princess had to snap my bra for me. I think she vomited a little in her mouth (Well, "the girls" can't make everybody's day). It's also hard to put on and zip up pants while trying to keep ice, in a towel, while wrapped around your hand. And curling your hair? My hair looked like hot shyt yesterday.

Typing without that finger? Damned near impossible. Good thing that only 95% of my job requires it! Lotioning the left foot? Not today! I have one lotioned foot and one ashy one. Deodorant? Only on the left side sista sue! I'd keep away from the right side of me if I were you.

But today is better. My finger is properly wrapped (thanks sis). And I can actually do things again. I can't use the "F" or "T" keys properly yet and I can't dig a booger.

But I'm working on it.

Keep It Or Toss It? Part Deux.

So I was shooting the breeze with VA Girl and she asked me for an update on the Great American Clean Up. If you recall, I decided to take steps toward living the life that I want to live (to the fullest) and part of that was to live simply. Step one was to radically reduce the amount of "stuff" that I have. Sounds easy - I tell you it's not.

Well, I made a list of all the rooms that needed to be dealt with, checked it twice and began in the kitchen. I figured that would be the most emotionally draining (I am a foodie with tons of foodie accoutrements) so best to get that out the way. Good News! The kitchen (as well as the bathroom) is all spic and span. I didn't take a pic before (cause that would have been well thought out) but I did take a pic of all the crap that I put in a box for goodwill and an after pic.

Now, the pic above doesn't include the crap that I set out for The Sister, Ma Mere or the trash can. That's just the stuff (from the kitchen) for donations.
<--- And over there is the stuff that I kept, neatly put away.

Yes, it was emotional. No, I did not keep the potato ricer. Odd side story, the very next day I made mashed potatoes. I've had the ricer for nearly a year and NEVER made mashed potatoes until I tossed the ricer.

Next is the cookbook shelf and the bedroom desk. Yes, I'll take a picture and show you the before, perhaps a during and the after. It doesn't quite look like a scene from Ho@rders but I wouldn't throw stones at those people.

I'd tell you that the process hasn't been nearly as taxing on me as I thought, but that would be a lie. I knew it would be and it has been. A friend of mine gave me some very encouraging words over a glass of excellent wine, as he knew this would be difficult for me.

(paraphrased) Look at this as a step toward the life you've always wanted to lead. You've been taking baby steps toward that life and this pile of "stuff" was in your way. Move it out of your way and keep taking the steps. (unparaphrased).(Used without his expressed consent, knowledge or permission. But who's gonna tell him)?

So that's what I'm doing. I'm looking at this whole exercise as getting rid of junk and getting on with life. What life? Well, that's to be determined...

...and what a wonderful feeling that is!

101 Things About Me That You May or May Not Have Known

Yep. It's kinda obvious when I run out of blog ideas. BUT, I give you something entertaining, non-the-less.

Here's 101 things about me that you may or may not have known.

1. I am a super mommie.
2. I have 1 daughter.
3. The factory is now closed.
4. I am the oldest of 4 children.
5. My brother is the only boy out of 4 kids.
6. Until I was 36, I didn’t realize that my brother could beat the crap out of me and my sisters. He always let us beat him up, so I thought we really could.
7. My siblings are still traumatized because I made them play mannequin when we where children.
8. My sisters are the best sisters a girl could have. They aren’t shocked by ANYTHING that I say.
9. My brother is the best brother in the world and he is shocked by EVERYTHING that I say.
10. My mother and my aunt are my touchstones. Even though they are crazy, I love them dearly.
11. I am spiritual but not religious. I use to be super religious but no one could answer my questions so I went directly to the source.
12. I ran away from home at 4. After I finished dinner at the neighbor’s house, I came home.
13. My mother and I had never spent more than 3 days apart until I was 16.
14. When I was 20 I moved to VA with my first husband. I cried the entire way there.
15. I moved back to GA when I was 24 and all but danced a jig.
16. I’m an Air Force Brat.
17. I’ve lived in the following places; Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, Utah, New Mexico, England, and Virginia.
18. My favorite place to live has been Georgia.
19. My place to visit has been England.
20. New Mexico runs a close second in both areas.
21. I love watching baseball and football.
22. I was a water girl for the football team in high school.
23. I would rather pierce body parts with a rusty needle than watch basketball.
24. I’m 5’4 ½ “.
25. That “½” is very important to me. I had to fight with a nurse to get it in my medical chart.
26. I’ve never broken any bones.
27. My only major surgery was childbirth (oh and dental surgery).
28. I love shoes but I’m very picky.
29. I have the world’s biggest collection of hanging earrings. (OK, the record people haven’t checked, but I’m sure it’s close).
30. I miss the art of snail mail.
31. I try to mail out at least one letter and one postcard every two weeks.
32. I am a germaphobe.
33. I live in organized chaos.
34. I like to plan things out.
35. I DO NOT like surprises – AT ALL!
36. I like things in even numbers.
37. I would read books and magazines all day if I had the chance.
38. I’d cook and then eat all day if I wouldn’t get fat.
39. I’d “ski” most of the day if I found the right “skiing partner”.
40. I am a very happy person…unless I’m not happy --- then no one is happy.
41. If I kinda don’t want to do something, I might do it.
42. If I absolutely DO NOT want to do something, I won’t and there’s very little you can say to make me.
43. I would marry a good cup of coffee today if it asked me to.
44. I don’t believe in do-overs or regrets. Everything happens for a reason.
45. I only use scented markers. It makes the workday go faster.
46. I miss the bingo halls in VA.
47. I love 80’s music.
48. Early 90’s music is the soundtrack of my love life.
49. I could spend my entire Saturday watching romance movies from the 1960’s.
50. I hate expressways. I’d take back roads everywhere if I could.
51. I have an irrational fear of zebras.
52. I don’t like cats – at all!
53. I was a waitress at the Cr@cker B@rrel for 3 days. I hated it and cried every night when I got off work.
54. I took obituary calls at the local newspaper for 3 days and decided that it wasn’t the right job for me – I didn’t cry everyday after work though.
55. I had my first kiddie kiss with Will Rogers in 2nd grade - Lakenheath AFB. If you are out there Will, it was great!
56. I had my first real kiss when I was 15.
57. It was a slobbery, yukky mess.
58. Saddly, that was not my worst kiss!
59. My best kiss ever was December 2006.
60. I’ve been married twice.
61. Once I am finished with a relationship, that’s it, I’m done.
62. I’ve only been “in love” once. I’ve loved many times.
63. I’d run my second ex over in my car if I saw him on the street (and then back over him for good measure).
64. I’m best of friends with my first ex.
65. I’m obsessed with all things British.
66. I’m obsessed with all things “kitchen”.
67. I LURVE to cook.
68. I love going to the grocery store.
69. Shopping (of any sort) relaxes me.
70. I HATE dating. If I could find Mr. Number Three without dating, I would.
71. I am a vegetarian. I did it for me.
72. I won’t tell you what you can/can’t/should/shouldn’t eat.
73. I try to recycle and create a small carbon footprint.
74. I won’t die if I have to throw away a bottle or take a flight some where.
75. I love airplanes. I think you can whisper to God when you’re on a plane cause you’re right there near his ear.
76. I have about 101 romance novels in me just waiting to be written and published.
77. I don’t fear death.
78. I don’t overly mourn peoples passing. I think that’s selfish. They’ve completed their journey in life – let them go on in peace.
79. I don’t care for beaches.
80. I’m comfortable with my weight.
81. Because my doctor isn’t comfortable with my weight, I try to keep it down. She’s the boss of me right now.
82. I HATE exercise.
83. I walk every day (when I feel like it) and practice yoga often because I don’t want arthritis when I’m old and I’m convinced this will help.
84. The only way I’d run is if my arse was on fire.
85. My favorite number is 16.
86. My next favorite number is 3.
87. I don’t have a favorite color.
88. My brother thinks that it is crazy that I don’t have a favorite color (I guess that’s a fact about him not me. Oh well).
89. My second favorite body part is/are my toes. When they are all painted up for the summer – watch out!!
90. I’m not telling what my first favorite body part is, but I really like them.
91. I love the warm/hot summer months.
92. I am not a fan of cold winter months.
93. Give me a warm day, an adult slushie and a good book and I am good for the afternoon.
94. I love a hot bubble bath with lush bath gels.
95. I love to coupon my way through a shopping trip.
96. If there is something that I really want, I’ll spend good money to get it.
97. I have voted in 95% of the elections since I was legally able to vote. That includes the one-off elections for local offices. I figure if you don’t vote, you can’t complain.
98. If you aren’t doing a good job in office, I’m gonna complain.
99. I like hot sauce on my eggs.
100. I like ice cold milk.
101. The best day of my life was October 2, 1996.

This Was Not In The Child Rearing Handbook

I'm going to apply for a gun permit.

So, I took The Princess and Ma Mere to the mall Sunday and more than once (9 times, I counted!) little pimple faced boys stopped to look at my Princess. I almost threw my DQ blizzard at one of them (Not really. I'm not gonna throw food that I could be eating at anyone!) What did The Princess do when she saw the boys look at her? Was she disgusted and revolted? No! She smiled!

I'm getting a gun. I will learn to use it. And I DARE the boys to keep looking.

I know, I know. They'll look anyway and she will look back. But when the hell did this happen? I don't remember reading about this in the handbook! Ok, so I didn't read the handbook - I didn't have time. I was raising a kid!

I wonder how much time you get for shooting a kid in the mall. What if I shoot them in the leg and simply maim them? Do I get the same amount of time? Is that considered premeditated? Geeze, I need to ask a lawyer about those questions.

...Then I'd probably better ask for representation.

So Far So Good!

Yes, I had a great birthday. Thank you so much for asking. It was so great, I felt that I need to give my O.sca.r award speech. So here goes.

First, I want to thank everyone for my "burf-day" calls, texts, emails and well wishes. Yes VA Girl, I do look good for 50, even though I'm only 38 (Side bar, calling me at 2am to wish me a happy birthday was a nice idea. That's why I turned my phone off! Better luck next year!). Thank you Tall Girl for my card, your constant support and lunch. I lurve talking about people with you (Can you believe we made those people get up and move!?!). Thank you pirate boy for your illegal phone call and heavy breathing but no, I do not want you to come searching for buried treasure (again, nice try, better luck next year).

Next, I have to give a shout out to my "lil budder" - The Arteest. He made me a cake. Wanna see it? It's to the right up there. He's so nice to me. No, it's not real and no, I can't eat it but then the calories don't show up on my hips. Yay!

And, thanks to the fam for the flowers and cake. Oh, yeah and thanks for eating most of the cake! No, really, I didn't need all the calories. And thanks for breakfast, lunch, and dinner all weekend. I've never eaten quite as much as I did this weekend. The food was de-lish! And super thanks for the shopping trip. Ma Mere and Auntie can be some wild ladies!! I had a great time with you two. Love ya'll.

And my "bookies" - thank you for the reading material. You guys were right on the money. It will take me a month to read everything you sent but I will enjoy it all the same!!

And last, but never least, I have to give a big hug and kiss to The Princess. She is truly my reason for breathing. She is the best birthday present a girl can every have. Thank you my princess!!

And thank you readers, all 4 of you, for letting me have my mushy, smushy moment.

Now back to the snarkiness that you know and love me for!!

Have Stone? Make Some Soup.

This weekend the Princess and I made my super simple veggie soup but I didn't take a picture. That's really ok because I didn't use a recipe either.

Well, I didn't use a real recipe. Why not? I didn't have to. My soup recipes are the world's easiest. In the winter it's cold and I want something warm, fast. I have my go to faves - taco soup, twice baked potato soup, chili (ok, ok, it's really a stew) and vegetable soup.

Ever heard the story of "Stone Soup?" Well, my version of vegetable soup is amazingly like that (except without the stone - who the hell wants a dirty rock in their soup?).

Veggie Soup
A can of tomatoes (no salt added)
A can or bag of mixed veggies (no salt added)
12 - 16 oz of veggie broth (homemade is best - I always have broth in the freezer)
2 tablespoons (I guess - who measures?) vegan Worcestershire sauce
cumin, sage, parsley, pepper, slight hint of salt, hint of paprika

Warm it up (cause really, everything is already cooked) and go. But, the next day it's better.

Ma mere always made homemade soups in the winter. Once a cold spell hit, she would pull out the a big pot and start cutting vegetables and boiling chicken, skimming fat off the top, blah blah blah. I do it the easy way. No cutting, no chicken, no skimming fat.

Now, when I make my veggie broth, I do pull out the stock pot and do the chopping (carrots, parsnips, celery, potatoes, bell peppers, onions, garlic, etc.) and add spices galore. A vat veggie broth made at Thanksgiving will last me well into February.

Do I have some left? Yep. I have one lone container of veggie broth in the freezer. It's terrified that it won't get used. Never fear my container of veggie broth. Old man winter promises one or two more weekends of yukky weather.

And I promise one more batch of super simple veggie soup.

Super Mommie Needs A Break

No-- I'm not leaving! I'm sharing!

Sometimes supermommie needs a break. Sometimes things get crazy and you just need to have some funny in your life. So, where does SM go for funny?


This is why you're fat.
In case you've ever wondered why we are so fat. Most of this stuff will make you want to hurl but every now and then (mars bars cake, Doughnut Upside Down Cake, Burger King Funnel Cake Fries With Icing Dip) you just wanna find the recipe.

Failbooking
This is such a fall on your face laughing good time! Crackbook will never be the same.

People of Walmart
And you wonder who goes there at 2am. If this doesn't make you laugh it's cause one of the photos is of you.

PostSecret
If you don't run to this page every Sunday then well...maybe you have things to do. But in between those things to do, do this. The posts will make you gasp and check to see if your BFF sent in one of the cards!

CakeWrecks
ROTFLMAO! Aren't you glad you purchased your cake from a reliable bakery (that can spell?)

Funny or Die
Many of them are side splitting.


Stuff White People Like
I know. It doesn't sound "pc" but it's not bad. It appears to be true. I'm only guessing cause well...I'm not white. It's not super funny but it's very interesting.


Best of Bad Baby Names
This makes Super Mommie feel REALLY good about her own name (not that I ever felt bad Ma Mere)!

"Happy Birthday!!"

(in the words of Frosty the Snowman).

2010 is here -- a breath of fresh air, the dawn of a new day, the light that breaks through the horizon at 6am (and I have to roll over to the side of the bed facing the wall). Let's welcome 2010 as we would a new lover, not to be tainted with the stench of the old one, but to be treated with glee and joy, not knowing what we will get or even if we'll like it, but knowing it's here and so far, it's better than any other lover we've even had.

I digress, it's only 2pm. How bad could the new year be only 14 hours in?

I felt the need for a full breakfast this morning. Skillet potatoes, blueberry muffins (made with whole wheat flour), fluffy cheese omelet and orange pineapple juice (nope, not a drop of vodka in it). I'm stuffed! "They" (No, I don't know who "they" are) say that what you do on the first day of the new year is what you will be doing for the rest of the year. Even though I take this with a grain of salt, it wouldn't be so bad to have a year of hardy breakfasts to start the day. If only I could get this new lover (2010) to make them for me.

The Princess and I are planning a very leisurely day. We'll get dressed, go to Ma Mere's and eat black eyed peas, collard greens, hot water cornbread and fresh corn. And oh the sweets. She's planning a german chocolate cake and pecan pie (there goes eating healthy, day one!). Then we'll roll ourselves back home and finish watching the Twilight Zone marathon.

I hope everyone has as wonderful a New Years Day as The Princess and I will. Remember, it's a new year -- don't take old grudges, anger or issues into the new year. Turn the page of your journal and start fresh!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8Y_Oh1Xb10

Day After Christmas Shopping

I woke up early. I braved the cold weather. I fought the crowds. I elbowed my way through the heathens all for....more blue Christmas lights and a big ben tree ornament. Yeah, I know. That's a pretty pathetic haul. I chalk it up to still being kinda tired.

Tired from what you ask? Well it takes energy to eat as much food as I did yesterday. I ate so much yesterday, I gained at least 6 more pounds, I just know it! Ma Mere made a pineapple pound cake and a 1,2,3,4 cake. Auntie made a chocolate cake and a vegan lemonilla cake (for The Arteest). Oh, and I ate real food too. Mac-n-cheese, cornbread dressing, salmon souffle, carrots, homemade cranberry sauce, fresh rolls, green beans....I'm sure I'm forgetting something. We ate at 3pm and I'm still full! (Oh, well, I just ate left overs so maybe that's why I'm full).

And, let's not forget, I was up until 1:00am Friday morning, helping Santa put out presents. I had to wrap a billion pairs of earrings and avert my eyes from the glittery tops and hats that were purchased. It's hard work wrapping up stuff for a teenage girl -- all that bubble bath and lip gloss! No, I still haven't recovered.

So, due to fatigue, I didn't stimulate the economy as much as I could have. Have no fear economy. I'm off work all of next week. I'm sure that I'll help put a dent in the deficit.

Happy Holidays!

Only 4 more hours until Santa taps on my front door, puts presents under the tree for The Princess and then tells me how much money I owe him.

Actually, I don't have to put the presents out tonight. The Princess doesn't play when it comes to sleep. She gets a full 10 hours whether you do or not. And, because she is on "vaca", she will stay up until 10pm and she'll sleep until 9am tomorrow. I can wake up at 7am and put her stuff out. I'm a lucky mommie!

And, I don't have to cook tomorrow! I mean, I'll cranberry sauce because it's what I do but we're going to my favorite Auntie's house and I'll take my rubbermaid with me. Ah, sweet bliss. Oh! Ma Mere is making peach pies and cakes. Don't worry, I've already started exercising.

And I picked up games for us to play tomorrow! Oh, my family loves games. I picked up "PayDay" and "Enga". I remember PayDay from childhood! it was my introduction into bill paying. Enga? Well, that's what it's called when you buy a cheap (but equally as fun) version of another game. $4.99 versus $19.99. YOU do the math.

In case I don't get to tell all 4 of my readers tomorrow, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Hanukkah and Feliz Navidad. No matter what you celebrate or how you celebrate remember to kiss everyone and tell them that you love them. Then go get another piece of pie!!

Eye Crust (part II)

In case you were wondering, yes, it was pink eye. "Dr. Ma Mere" was wrong. No worries. She's been my personal physician all of my life. She comes cheap (free) and she's okay when I tell her that her diagnosis was wrong. She didn't offer to make peanut butter cookies for me but I can't complain because she made me my very own sweet potato pie for Thanksgiving.

I woke up with super runny eyes Monday. Honestly, I couldn't see when I woke up. I won't go into specifics by my eyes were so crusted over it was ridiculous (ok, so I went into specifics). I called my doctor (I LURVE my medical plan!) and got it confirmed... "conjunctivitis". After 5 days of drops three times a day, my eyeballs are crystal clear with minimal eye boogers. Thank goodness.

Because I had gookie gook in my eyes for the first three days, I didn't feel like typing (which was ok because my eyeballs hurt too much to type anyway. But now I'm all better and in search of something super fascinating to talk to you about (even though eye boogers sounds fascinating to some).

I have become more aware of my hands near my eyes. I use tissue to wipe my eyes (never, never my finger or hand) and I sanitize a lot. Hey, my eyes are important. I have to take care of them. AND I have to buy new eyeliner. Doesn't sound too bad huh? Well, I keep an average of 5 eyeliners handy! 1 at work, 1 in my purse and 3 of different colors in the bathroom. I have to dump them all! I sure hope my brand of eye makeup is on sale tomorrow!

Eye Crust

I woke up to a scary sight this morning (no, not Mr. Vampiro - he just sounds scary in the morning). I woke up to the pinkest eyes I have ever seen in my life.

I prepared myself for the worst. I'd have to call out sick Monday and I'd have to make a doctor's appointment. Because I wear contacts, I can't use eyedrops without consulting my doctor so no homeopathic remedies for me.

I couldn't even go back to sleep. Normally an early morning snuggle with the snoring vampire makes me smile but all I could think about were my eyes. What little bugger did this to me? I hadn't been around kids all weekend. Must have been the nasty little monsters in the stores.

I sighed and hauled my invalid self to the family doctor -- Ma Mere. I stumbled in, my eyes feeling heavy and my head even hurting a little bit. Side effects of pink eye, no doubt.

I cried to my mommie. She took a look at me.

   "What tune did y'all go to sleep?"

        "2am."

        "Have you gone to bed before 12 any night since Tuesday?"

        "No."

        "Did you enjoy the new wine you got on Thanksgiving?"

        "Oh yeah. I had a big glass of it last night."

        "You don't have pink eye. You have 'I drank too much and slept too little' eye."

        "But, I have eye crust!"

        "So."

The doctor has spoken. I'm not sure I'm 100% sure but I went home none-the-less.

I'll take better care of myself from now on. I'll sleep better and drink less.

Now excuse me. This coffee needs a little 'somethin somethin' in it.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

I picked up extra sugar, butter and flour last night! You know what that means -- let the baking season begin! I love the holidays. Johnny Mathis Christmas CD, the yule log channel on the TV, egg nog spiked with southern comfort, and lots and lots of treats to eat.

Ma Mere is the head baker in our family. The rest of us take from her and put our own spin on things. We can all make a sweet potato pie, but why in the heck would we want to? We have to measure and stuff, and Ma Mere knows exactly how much of what to put in. She can look at the color of the mixture and tell if it's sweet enough. Ahhhh. I can taste it now. Homemade crust all crumbly, warm and sweet pie mixture set firmly inside...perhaps I'll do my part and make homemade whipped creme to go on top.

This year, I plan to bake until the house smells of nothing but cinnamon and nutmeg (without having to use candles). The folks at work will be so happy cause I'm gonna take most of it in. The Princess will help taste the food and will put up lights everywhere. In my house, we decorate for every holiday. No matter what the occasion, it looks like the decoration fairy came and threw up in our little bitty living space. Beautiful.

So just picture it folks -- the room is backlit with beautiful green, red, blue and orange Christmas tree lights. The TV is tuned to the "The Christmas Story" marathon, mommie and Super Auntie are slightly "happy" from a good dose of egg nog and everyone is singing carols, just a little bit off key. I'm ready. Bring on the holidays!!