|photo credit - kirklanddentistry.com|
SuperMommie: (from the dental chair earlier today) "God, do you have a minute?"
God: "Sure I do. Shoot."
SM: "Well Sir, I'm sitting here in this dentist chair..."
God: "Yesss. I can see that."
SM: "Well, this nice doctor man has been trying to get this root out of my tooth and it's starting to hurt. It's been an hour and a half already and you know he tried to do the same thing a few weeks ago and he had to stop."
God: "I recall that. I WAS there as well."
SM: "Well, yes, Sir. I'm not doubting that. I was just wondering if you can fix it so that he can get the rest of the root out and close up the wound."
God: "Why hurry? Don't you want him to do a good job?"
SM: "Of course, Sir, Your Supremeness, I just would like to feel less pain."
God: "First of all, oh favorite child of mine, I recognize sarcasm. Cut the Sir crap."
SM: "Yes Sir, I mean ummm, Dad."
God: "That's better. Now, I don't always take pain away like that. Just ask Jesus."
SM: "Oh, right. That's true. But can I have a small exemption from pain?"
God: "A small exemption from pain? Really? Remember last week when you almost cut your finger tip off... again?"
SM: "Oh, yes..."
God: "And remember how the car 2 cars behind you got into an accident and not you?"
SM: "Last week. I remember. Was that meant for me?"
God: "Maybe. Maybe it's just part of my guilt for you".
SM: "I thought you let Grammie pass out the guilt."
God: "I dole it out every now and then. Remember all that crap you ate last week and I didn't add any more weight onto your oh so petite frame?"
SM: (under my breath) "Talk about sarcasm."
God: "I can hear you. Anywho, I take care of the things that REALLY need to be taken care of. Trust me, this pain is nothing. This nice doctor man is good at what he does. Just relax. I'll make the pain pills work really well later. I won't let it hurt in the middle of the night when you are in the middle of a naughty dream."
SM: (smiling - kinda - I'm in the dentist chair) "Oh, thanks you know about the pills and the dream. That's nice to know."
God: "And, I have a surprise for you. You know that thing you keep wishing for and praying for? Well, I'll go ahead and give it to you!"
SM: (frantically) "Which thing? How soon?"
God: (voice muffled) "I'm talking to SuperMommie right now. Oh, he is? I need to talk to him. Look SuperMommie I gotta go."
SM: "Wait, God, Sir, please, which thing and how soon?"
God: "Patience my child. The big thing and soon. I've gotta run. Go With God My Child."
SM: (thinking God hung up cause he gave his sign off) "Crap! Which effin thing and how effin soon?"
God: "I heard that and not as effing soon as you'd like."
SM: "Damn it!"