Dear Thief (part three)

Sigh. Life for me is never dull or boring. Most of the time it's down right funny (well you know, later, after the pain subsides). It's a thrill a minute for me.

If you don't remember the Dear Thief chronicles, take a second to (re)acquaint yourselves.

Dear Thief part 1

Dear Thief part 2

Today's hilarious tale begins with the fact that my bedroom gets a little warm in the evenings (and no, not from any hot action or anything). I have three, large windows in my room that let in beautiful sunlight and also warmth. By 4pm in the afternoon it's super warm and I need to circulate some air around.

So, I decided to have some ceiling fans put up. When I first moved into the apartment, management told me that the maintenance guy could handle stuff like that for me...for a small fee. Cool. I told management to have him call me.

Long story made short, the mainenance guy contacted me and said he'd put up the fans for $30 total. That's pretty sweet! I'd made some calls and gotten much higher fees. So, this morning dude called me to let me know he'd be putting up the fans for me today. I said great. He asked if he could swing past later to pick up payment. I said of course. I get home about 7pm. I asked him if I needed to meet him somewhere.

He said, "Nope. I'll just come down. I live upstairs in 1130."

Son-of-a-biscuit-eater! You mean "the man" has been stealing power?! You've been working for the complex the whole time? What the hell?!

Sigh (again).
I sure do need one of those "SYWM" t-shirts right about now (and an adult slushee)! That takes the cake!!

But, it fits right in with the rest of my life, I suppose.

ps - I'd love to sport a "SYWM" t-shirt but where in the hell would I? Maybe Aunt Becky can make buttons instead? Pencils? An ink pen? That's a free idea Auntie B. I won't even charge you!


A Little Talk With Jesus ('s Dad)

photo credit - kirklanddentistry.com
SuperMommie: (from the dental chair earlier today) "God, do you have a minute?"

God: "Sure I do. Shoot."

SM: "Well Sir, I'm sitting here in this dentist chair..."

God: "Yesss. I can see that."

SM: "Well, this nice doctor man has been trying to get this root out of my tooth and it's starting to hurt. It's been an hour and a half already and you know he tried to do the same thing a few weeks ago and he had to stop."

God: "I recall that. I WAS there as well."

SM: "Well, yes, Sir. I'm not doubting that. I was just wondering if you can fix it so that he can get the rest of the root out and close up the wound."

God: "Why hurry? Don't you want him to do a good job?"

SM: "Of course, Sir, Your Supremeness, I just would like to feel less pain."

God: "First of all, oh favorite child of mine, I recognize sarcasm. Cut the Sir crap."

SM: "Yes Sir, I mean ummm, Dad."

God: "That's better. Now, I don't always take pain away like that. Just ask Jesus."

SM: "Oh, right. That's true. But can I have a small exemption from pain?"

God: "A small exemption from pain? Really? Remember last week when you almost cut your finger tip off... again?"

SM: "Oh, yes..."

God: "And remember how the car 2 cars behind you got into an accident and not you?"

SM: "Last week. I remember. Was that meant for me?"

God: "Maybe. Maybe it's just part of my guilt for you".

SM: "I thought you let Grammie pass out the guilt."

God: "I dole it out every now and then. Remember all that crap you ate last week and I didn't add any more weight onto your oh so petite frame?"

SM: (under my breath) "Talk about sarcasm."

God: "I can hear you. Anywho, I take care of the things that REALLY need to be taken care of. Trust me, this pain is nothing. This nice doctor man is good at what he does. Just relax. I'll make the pain pills work really well later. I won't let it hurt in the middle of the night when you are in the middle of a naughty dream."

SM: (smiling - kinda - I'm in the dentist chair) "Oh, thanks you know about the pills and the dream. That's nice to know."

God: "And, I have a surprise for you. You know that thing you keep wishing for and praying for? Well, I'll go ahead and give it to you!"

SM: (frantically) "Which thing? How soon?"

God: (voice muffled) "I'm talking to SuperMommie right now. Oh, he is? I need to talk to him. Look SuperMommie I gotta go."

SM: "Wait, God, Sir, please, which thing and how soon?"

God: "Patience my child. The big thing and soon. I've gotta run. Go With God My Child."

SM: (thinking God hung up cause he gave his sign off) "Crap! Which effin thing and how effin soon?"

God: "I heard that and not as effing soon as you'd like."

SM: "Damn it!"


Dear Thief (part two)

So perhaps you read Dear Thief before it became part one. Well, the jackarse not only defied belief by reattaching the cord out the window, but they nailed it along the wall so you couldn't see it. If I hadn't been spying on the people out front I never would have seen it!!

Let me tell you, this time I was pissed off! You are BLATANTLY trying to rip off this system. So... I called the power company directly.

PowerLady: "Restitution Department." (I am not lying. That's the name of the department).

Supermommie: "Um hi (whispering). I need to report someone that I think, no, I mean I'm pretty sure that they are stealing power."

PowerLady: "Are you standing outside, because if you aren't, you don't have to whisper."

SuperMommie: "Oh, right, sorry."

So I tell her my story and you know what they told me? They have already been out to the complex.

SM: "So I'm not the first person to report this?"

PL: "You aren't even the second."

SM: "Get out of town! So y'all are gonna come back out, right?"

PL: "Yes ma'am we are. We take theft of power very seriously."

SM: "I do too," I said smiling. Then I remembered something very important.

SM: "Hey, I can remain anonymous right?"

PL: "Yes ma'am, you can."

SM: "Am I still illegible for a reward?"

PL: "There isn't a reward."

SM: "Oh, ok."

So I've officially become a snitch and you know what? I don't give a rat's ass! I just plopped down over $100 last month AND my water bill just went up by $11. I'm a single super mommie. I don't have extra money hanging around.

As I have stated once before...if I gotta pay for power, you gotta pay for power.

I still don't understand why there isn't a reward!