Dear Thief...

Dear Jackarse In Apartment 1130,

Yes, I told on you. I told on you long and hard and I LOVED it! You wanna steal? Do it somewhere else buddy! If I gotta pay for power, so do effin you!

So last week I was off work cleaning up the old hacienda. I had picked up some new pillows and I was spring cleaning the hell outta the place. I went to open the curtains and let some of the beautiful rays of sun in when I noticed an orange cord dangling past my bedroom window.

That's not right! So, I decided to take out my trash (as a ruse for seeing what was going on). You see, our complex has valet trash (hell yeah!) and I don't have to walk my fat bee-hind to the trash dump. It's a nice perk I think others think it's pure-d-lazy. I say, so what?!

Anywho, that day I did and on the way back I realize the cord is coming from apartment 1130.

Well, I called the front office and they sent the maintenance team (two guys in a golf cart) to look at it. They surveyed the area, decided that yes, the folks were stealing power and they unplugged the cord. I guess they musta talked to them too cause the cord was gone when I got back from shopping.

So I go along my merry way spreading joy and happiness everywhere I went and then wham! Sonofabiscuteater! Guess what I saw when I pulled in my "un-assigned but chosen by me" parking space?! They had hooked a YELLOW cord to the same box and had it hanging from the front window.

So... back to my letter.

So people in 1130, do you think I'm stupid? It doesn't matter the color! An ORANGE, RED, YELLOW or BLUE cord dangling from the window plugged into the power grid must mean you are stealing power!

Just so you know -- I will call the front office every damned time I see the cord. No, I'm not mean but I'm struggling to make ends meet just the same as you. Every time the power people send me a bill I scream and cuss same as everyone else. But, I pay it and in return for paying it, the nice people at the power place let me have another month's worth of power.

Try it you thief!

I know it sounds harsh but I gotta pay so you gotta pay too! I have no tolerance for people that cheat the system and then I have to pay for your thievery. I've seen that big monstrosity of a truck you drive everyday. Your rims cost more than my car! Sell the rims and pay for power.

If you will steal power, do I need to watch out for my valet trash bin? Are you gonna steal that too? What about my front door mat? Must I tape it down?

I believe my fave Sting song is appropriate here -

Every breath you take, Every move you make, Every bond you break, I'll be watching you.

PISSED off neighbor in 1110.

(climbs off the horse).

** hell no, that's not the real apartment number. Do you think I'd really tell you where I live?!

No comments:

Post a Comment