It's not me, it's you.

I dated a chef once. Did I ever tell you that? Being that I love food, I thought that it would work out beautifully! Well, it didn't. Two cooks in the kitchen make for a lot of arguments. Fighting over the proper use of spices is not "hot" as you would think it would be. It just makes you wonder how heavy a cast iron skillet really is and can you make "it" look like an accident.

I dated a pretty boy twice. They hogged the mirror, used more "products" than I have EVER used and gave me reason to wonder if metrosexual was hiding something deeper, darker in their past.

I've dated (1)/married(1) guys that made fun of my being a veggie girl. I know. I should have held a pillow over their head in while they were sleeping. I thought about it...a lot. I mean threatening to eat a bleeding hamburger in front of me just incites me to help make YOU that bleeding hamburger. I didn't threaten to throw salads and tofu patties at them but perhaps I should have.

I've dated/married snorers and it didn't bother me (sorry Tall Girl). However, people that talk AND walk in their sleep freak me out. And, I won't tell you what else this particular guy did in his sleep cause I was starting to enjoy it....UNTIL I REALIZED HE WAS FREAKIN SLEEP!!!! Wake up for that dude!

I say all of this for my good friend VA Girl (Yea! Now you have a name!). You asked me if you were being too picky and would it be wrong to break if off with him. Yes, you can be picky but I don't think you are being picky. Yes, you can break it off with him. I just think that latex man is not right for you. (No, I will not explain that one even though it is so funny it will make you pee your pants). He seems nice when I've talked to him but I think you are not the type of woman he needs (I think there are some bunny ranches in Nevada he can go to or he can look on Cr@igslist).

It's ok to not like stuff about him and use that as your excuse to say, "It's not me, it's you." You gave him 6 months and you don't feel for him the way he and his bag of latex tricks feel about you. If you continue this relationship, you'll just gather more reasons to stab him in his sleep later.

And I don't have bail money. I have to save for summer camp for The Princess. BUT, I will put $10 on your commissary.

No comments:

Post a Comment