I Threw Up A Little In My Mouth

I did it! I took a picture of a zebra.

My daddy was in town and he wanted to go to all the tourist spots. That meant the zoo was on the list. I didn't panic until Daddy said, "Oh look, the zebras are over there." Then my hands started to sweat and I began to feel physically ill. The Princess took my hand and said, "Just take a picture mommie. Then you can run away."

So I did. I took the picture, from far, far away. Yes, I squeezed the life out of The Princesses' hand but she'll live. And then, I ran like a bat out of hell.

If you are asking why did I run from the zebras, then you are new to this blog. I have an irrational fear of zebras. I'm a zebraphobe (no, that's not a real phobia).

I am working on my fear though. My coworker said my first step was that I took a picture. My next step with be to pet one.

ROTFLMAO - Don't count on it!

You Really Do Have The Right To Remain Silent...But Someone Should Probably Say Something!

My first blog topic was an ode to a zebra. Then I thought of a montage of zebra related topics and items and perhaps even a zebra song. But, I remembered that I'd have to post an actual picture of a zebra and I threw up just a little in my mouth. (Click HERE in case you don't know why).

Then I decided to write about something more pressing, something that the world has not shone (is that a word?) it's spot light on.

Friends who let friends...

Friends who let friends....wear stupid shit to work. I just sent an email to a friend, who let her friend wear the most hideous outfit I had ever seen in my life. It was just wrong to not let her know she looked like a jackarse. I mean people will see her! If you want to dress crazy, do it in the privacy of your own home.

Friends who let friends....audition for television shows when they know those people have no damned talent at all. Now, please understand that I love to sing. I do it in the car, in the bathroom, hell I might be convinced (after several shots of something really strong) to do it at a karaoke bar. I am not, AM NOT going to audition for TV. I know better.

Friends who let friends....procreate with crazy ass people. I have about 3 friends right now that I am not speaking to (well, I do speak to them but with a hint of venom in my voice.). Be nice and offer double lined condoms or a replacement person or something when you see your friend dating someone that seems even remotely douchie. Remember, a short roll in the sack could mean you are tethered to them FOR-EVA!!!!

Friends who let friends....continue to make food that tastes like dog breath. When I first started working in my department, everyone ranted and raved over this lady's potluck dish. I was ready for a taste of heaven when she made it at the Thanksgiving potluck that year. I took a big bite and thought I would vomit right where I stood. It tasted like *ish! Why hadn't anyone told her? Were their taste buds off? I don't care if she is old or not -- that tastes like crap (or what I imagine crap to taste like).

There are times when little white lies are good (OMG your haircut looks great. Wow! Your kid really does look like his father) but in most cases, the truth is best. I mean I try to be as non-commental (again, is that a word?) as possible but sometimes you just HAVE to say something. BUT if it's a situation where the truth might hurt or get you fired...

...remain silent.

Lions and Tigers and Bears....and Zebras

It's comforting (NOT) to know that your friends take great joy in laughing at you. I just received not 1, not 2 but 5 phone calls/text messages warning me about the following...

Runaway Zebra Captured On Downtown Connector
http://www.wsbtv.com/news/22604290/detail.html

Everyone that knows me, knows I have a weird fear of zebras. I can look at them from afar or in animated form but a real zebra up close (or even one on tv on the evening news) freaks me the"eff" out. And dear God, don't show the head up close. I will really scream.

Someone told me its cause by vertigo. I just say zebrazoophobia. I've looked it up on the internet and I don't see a definition for it (or a self help group).

So what would have happened had I been driving on the highway and I had seen the zebra? Well, my car would have had a funny smell for weeks and people in Texas would have heard my scream. I would have run over several cars to get the hell out of the way. God sent me home early today for a very good reason! He knows my fears and He comforts me -- and He thought that it would be funnier this way.

Thanks to all of my "friends" that called and sent me text messages to tell me about the zebra and then laugh at me.

Zebra, I'm glad that you are safe but I glad I didn't see you.

And no, there will not be any pictures posted!!