Wordless Wednesday - Ok, 1 Word

BAM!!

She's Leavin' On A Jet Plane...

I did it. I put the Princess on a bus for "away camp" this morning. Nope -- I didn't cry. I was kinda sad but I didn't cry. She'll only be gone for a week. Perhaps if it was longer I would have cried.

And she is super stoked about it! And why wouldn't she be? A welcome cookout on Tuesday, bonfire/smores night Wednesday (and that's after open mic time), minor league baseball game Thursday night (but not before the scavanger hunt) -- oh and did I mention pizza party everynight at 11pm? Hell, I want to go!

And so what am I going to do this week? Well, I've got it all planned out (it's the way we mommies roll).

Tonight I'm going to dinner with friends -- at 7pm! I know! That's practically bed time!! I cannot remember the last time I went to dinner that late ON A SCHOOL NIGHT!! Yep, I'm pretty proud of my little bad self.

Wednesday night? Brace yourself -- dinner again! Some of the same friends, a few different ones. We're meeting at a different restaurant and a bit earlier this time (6:30pm) but a lighter dinner. It's Mexican meal night and I plan to sit on the patio and drink margaritas. Well, perhaps only two. I do have to go to work the next day.

Thursday night? Quiet night snuggling. Someone has offered to make dinner for me and I have graciously accepted. I see a long night on the porch, sipping a nice wine.

Fri-day? I get to "work from home". That means pj on, laptop up and watching TV from the back porch.

It may not seem like a lot going on to you but to a super mommie, it's a hell of a lot!

I hope you have fun Princess. I know Mommie will.

I Threw Up A Little In My Mouth

I did it! I took a picture of a zebra.

My daddy was in town and he wanted to go to all the tourist spots. That meant the zoo was on the list. I didn't panic until Daddy said, "Oh look, the zebras are over there." Then my hands started to sweat and I began to feel physically ill. The Princess took my hand and said, "Just take a picture mommie. Then you can run away."

So I did. I took the picture, from far, far away. Yes, I squeezed the life out of The Princesses' hand but she'll live. And then, I ran like a bat out of hell.

If you are asking why did I run from the zebras, then you are new to this blog. I have an irrational fear of zebras. I'm a zebraphobe (no, that's not a real phobia).

I am working on my fear though. My coworker said my first step was that I took a picture. My next step with be to pet one.

ROTFLMAO - Don't count on it!

Dear So and So - The "What A Day - June 14" Edition

Dear Grandma That Is A Spy,
It's not that I don't think you should be allowed to socialize with your family but do you have to do it at 7pm, in front of the apartment building, in the back bed of a pickup truck, so freakin loudly? I can hear you lady! You aren't soft spoken. Neither are the 14 people standing there with you...drinking.


Dear Man At The Grocery Store,
I don't think you know how to count. The sign says 10 items or less. You clearly have a cart full. The Princess stopped counting at 22. The clerk explained that he could get in trouble for ringing your order so he'd do it this time but he couldn't next time. Even after that, you didn't get it. The four people behind you with 3 items each, really wanted you to go to another line. You are an arse-hole.


Dear Woman That Sprayed Air Freshener In The Ladies Bathroom,
I'd have rather you let the natural smell shine through. That floral scent is killer, especially when you spray out half the damned bottle. I couldn't breathe. I had a coughing fit while trying to pee. That's not good.


Dear Person That Wets The Whole Counter Top In The Kitchen At Work,
Don't I complain about you every time I do this? Stop getting water everywhere dumb-arse. There are paper towels in there -- use them.


Dear IT Person,
Don't question my need for a new keyboard. The "Delete", "Ctrl" and right "Shift" keys don't work. No, I don't think I can work around them any longer. I think you need to get me a new keyboard (so that I can finish typing my blog).

Keep It Or Toss It? Part Deux.

So I was shooting the breeze with VA Girl and she asked me for an update on the Great American Clean Up. If you recall, I decided to take steps toward living the life that I want to live (to the fullest) and part of that was to live simply. Step one was to radically reduce the amount of "stuff" that I have. Sounds easy - I tell you it's not.

Well, I made a list of all the rooms that needed to be dealt with, checked it twice and began in the kitchen. I figured that would be the most emotionally draining (I am a foodie with tons of foodie accoutrements) so best to get that out the way. Good News! The kitchen (as well as the bathroom) is all spic and span. I didn't take a pic before (cause that would have been well thought out) but I did take a pic of all the crap that I put in a box for goodwill and an after pic.

Now, the pic above doesn't include the crap that I set out for The Sister, Ma Mere or the trash can. That's just the stuff (from the kitchen) for donations.
<--- And over there is the stuff that I kept, neatly put away.

Yes, it was emotional. No, I did not keep the potato ricer. Odd side story, the very next day I made mashed potatoes. I've had the ricer for nearly a year and NEVER made mashed potatoes until I tossed the ricer.

Next is the cookbook shelf and the bedroom desk. Yes, I'll take a picture and show you the before, perhaps a during and the after. It doesn't quite look like a scene from Ho@rders but I wouldn't throw stones at those people.

I'd tell you that the process hasn't been nearly as taxing on me as I thought, but that would be a lie. I knew it would be and it has been. A friend of mine gave me some very encouraging words over a glass of excellent wine, as he knew this would be difficult for me.

(paraphrased) Look at this as a step toward the life you've always wanted to lead. You've been taking baby steps toward that life and this pile of "stuff" was in your way. Move it out of your way and keep taking the steps. (unparaphrased).(Used without his expressed consent, knowledge or permission. But who's gonna tell him)?

So that's what I'm doing. I'm looking at this whole exercise as getting rid of junk and getting on with life. What life? Well, that's to be determined...

...and what a wonderful feeling that is!

Grandma Is A Spy

Let's preface this post by saying my apartment complex has gone downhill since new management took over last year. I'm sure I've mentioned my refrigerator problems, a/c problems, cable stealing issues, "recreational salesperson" issues, electrical outlets that cannot be used issues, etc. Needless to say, I will NOT be renewing my lease.

And now, some body's Grandma sits by the steps and watches my comings and goings.

No, she doesn't sit on her porch or by her door. She sits next to the last step on the stairs. She has to physically get up and move her chair in order for you to pass by -- and it takes her days to actually move the chair! Wouldn't it be easier on you if you would just sit on the other side of the steps? Or (here's a thought) SIT ON YOUR OWN PORCH! We pay extra for these nice patios. It's shaded and everything. You can still see everything that goes on!

I know that sometimes older people don't have anything else to do so they amuse themselves by keeping tabs on all 9 families that live in their unit but do you have to sit you table chair right by the steps? My company is scared to come over. I've had someone actually call me and say, "I'm downstairs. Granny is outside."

Oh. Will you pah-leese keep your grandkid's squawking and mess making to a minimum? There juice and cookie crumbs all over the walkway (He's not eating the cookies lady. He's obviously smashing them up and leaving them on the ground). When he's not making a cookie and juice mess he's yelling very loudly. I open my front door and I hear him hollering at people. He probably wants to go inside the house. Here's an idea...take him there.

And, you do not have to mention that I sure do shop a lot because I'm always taking bags into my place? I don't see where that is any of your business. That makes you noisy and a potential thief. If any of my groceries are missing when I come home, I'm coming to you first old lady.

I think your family members should enroll you in some activities. The senior center has a bus that comes into the neighborhood. They leave an activity list at the front office. I glanced at it when I was paying rent and it looks pretty good. Swimming, painting, exercise class. Go bother those people. I bet they have a front porch you can sit on. Leave me and my household alone.

I actually think Grandma is a spy. It's a good cover. I think one of my exes has paid her to report my every move. I leave the house in the am, she is there. I come home in the pm, she is there. I bet if I came home for a nooner, she'd be there too.

Well keep on spying Granny. You've got until the end of October and then I'm bustin' the hell outta there.

And no, you will not get good tenant ratings.