Dear Thief (part three)

Sigh. Life for me is never dull or boring. Most of the time it's down right funny (well you know, later, after the pain subsides). It's a thrill a minute for me.

If you don't remember the Dear Thief chronicles, take a second to (re)acquaint yourselves.

Dear Thief part 1

Dear Thief part 2


Today's hilarious tale begins with the fact that my bedroom gets a little warm in the evenings (and no, not from any hot action or anything). I have three, large windows in my room that let in beautiful sunlight and also warmth. By 4pm in the afternoon it's super warm and I need to circulate some air around.

So, I decided to have some ceiling fans put up. When I first moved into the apartment, management told me that the maintenance guy could handle stuff like that for me...for a small fee. Cool. I told management to have him call me.

Long story made short, the mainenance guy contacted me and said he'd put up the fans for $30 total. That's pretty sweet! I'd made some calls and gotten much higher fees. So, this morning dude called me to let me know he'd be putting up the fans for me today. I said great. He asked if he could swing past later to pick up payment. I said of course. I get home about 7pm. I asked him if I needed to meet him somewhere.

He said, "Nope. I'll just come down. I live upstairs in 1130."

Son-of-a-biscuit-eater! You mean "the man" has been stealing power?! You've been working for the complex the whole time? What the hell?!


Sigh (again).
I sure do need one of those "SYWM" t-shirts right about now (and an adult slushee)! That takes the cake!!

But, it fits right in with the rest of my life, I suppose.

ps - I'd love to sport a "SYWM" t-shirt but where in the hell would I? Maybe Aunt Becky can make buttons instead? Pencils? An ink pen? That's a free idea Auntie B. I won't even charge you!

Dear Thief...

Dear Jackarse In Apartment 1130,

Yes, I told on you. I told on you long and hard and I LOVED it! You wanna steal? Do it somewhere else buddy! If I gotta pay for power, so do effin you!
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So last week I was off work cleaning up the old hacienda. I had picked up some new pillows and I was spring cleaning the hell outta the place. I went to open the curtains and let some of the beautiful rays of sun in when I noticed an orange cord dangling past my bedroom window.

That's not right! So, I decided to take out my trash (as a ruse for seeing what was going on). You see, our complex has valet trash (hell yeah!) and I don't have to walk my fat bee-hind to the trash dump. It's a nice perk I think others think it's pure-d-lazy. I say, so what?!

Anywho, that day I did and on the way back I realize the cord is coming from apartment 1130.

Well, I called the front office and they sent the maintenance team (two guys in a golf cart) to look at it. They surveyed the area, decided that yes, the folks were stealing power and they unplugged the cord. I guess they musta talked to them too cause the cord was gone when I got back from shopping.

So I go along my merry way spreading joy and happiness everywhere I went and then wham! Sonofabiscuteater! Guess what I saw when I pulled in my "un-assigned but chosen by me" parking space?! They had hooked a YELLOW cord to the same box and had it hanging from the front window.

So... back to my letter.
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So people in 1130, do you think I'm stupid? It doesn't matter the color! An ORANGE, RED, YELLOW or BLUE cord dangling from the window plugged into the power grid must mean you are stealing power!

Just so you know -- I will call the front office every damned time I see the cord. No, I'm not mean but I'm struggling to make ends meet just the same as you. Every time the power people send me a bill I scream and cuss same as everyone else. But, I pay it and in return for paying it, the nice people at the power place let me have another month's worth of power.

Try it you thief!

I know it sounds harsh but I gotta pay so you gotta pay too! I have no tolerance for people that cheat the system and then I have to pay for your thievery. I've seen that big monstrosity of a truck you drive everyday. Your rims cost more than my car! Sell the rims and pay for power.

If you will steal power, do I need to watch out for my valet trash bin? Are you gonna steal that too? What about my front door mat? Must I tape it down?

I believe my fave Sting song is appropriate here -

Every breath you take, Every move you make, Every bond you break, I'll be watching you.
Signed,

PISSED off neighbor in 1110.

(climbs off the horse).

** hell no, that's not the real apartment number. Do you think I'd really tell you where I live?!

VENT - Krappy Karrots from Kay-Roger

This post is the real letter I sent to Kay-Roger. I'm not a happy camper right now and when momma's not happy, she tells ALL of her friends.

My vow is to keep telling people I'm not happy until Kay-Roger makes me happy. I'll let you know how long that takes.

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Kay-Roger, Atlanta Marketing Area
2175 Parklake Dr
Atlanta GA 30345

Mr. L,

I have generally enjoyed shopping at your stores. The prices are low and the selection has been good. However, I have noticed in the past 6 – 12 months that the quality of food, the selection and the customer service level has gone down. Even so, I continued to patronize the store because it was closest to my home.

Yesterday, I walked into my local Kay-Roger store in search of a 2lb bag of carrots. There were about six 2lb bags of carrots in stock and all of them were wet, slimy, old and had roots growing out of them. I went in search of the 1lb bags and found the same number of carrots but instead of slimy, they were old, dry, cracked carrots.

I asked that the produce manager be paged. After 5 minutes I was informed that he was not in. I then asked for the store manager. Five minutes later, he came over to me, I showed him the carrots and he simply looked at me with a blank stare. I explained to him that the carrots were old and decayed enough that they could make someone sick. I told him this THREE times. He continued to stare at me, not apologizing, not offering to produce another bag, not saying a word. I asked if he had any fresh carrots in the back and he brought out two 1lb bags of the old carrots. He said that he had just taken them out of the box. I told him that he should have denied the shipment.

I have visited the (__) store for the past 2 years because it is less than a mile from my house. I have also visited the (__) store (4.4 miles from my home) and the (__) Store (4.2 miles). They have the same issues as the one in my neighborhood. If I want a decent Kay-Roger shopping experience I have to travel 9.2 miles to the nearest store!

This may not seem like a long distance to you, but I am a busy mom and I don’t have time to travel in search of a Kay-Roger that carries quality food and offers good customer service. Yesterday I went to the (other) store located across the street from your store. They had fresh carrots at a cheaper price and the customer service attendant was very friendly.

I would like for someone to contact me and explain why 1) the produce is allowed to be in that condition and 2) why managers are not trained to pull questionable items off the shelves. Until I receive a response, I plan to begin visiting the Poo--blay Grocery store on (__) for my weekly shopping. I also plan on telling my circle of friends about my experience. If the Kay-Roger stores in my neighborhood cannot be comparable to the Kay-Roger stores off of (__) and (__), then I simply will go elsewhere.

A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The School Supply Store...

I think I've mentioned a time or two that I currently live in a hell hole apartment. Well, it's come to my attendtion that the people that live here are guardians for hell.

Last week I received a note on my door stating there would be a school supply drive last Saturday. We were supposed to meet, grab a list and meet back up the following week. I'm all about the kiddies and school supplies so I got my little happy self to the place. I always spread the gospel about how important it is to support the children, teachers and schools. Remember, I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty.... (sorry, I digress - old Whitney Houston song - before Bobbbbayyyyy!).

So last Saturday I show up for the meeting along with 3 other do gooders. We get a handwritten list and our orders to bring back items during the week. Then the items would be dispersed this Saturday (2 days before school).

That sounds great. I exchange phone numbers with the ladies, take my list and prepare to fulfill my RAOK list. The Princess has extra things like blunt tip scissors and color pencils that I always have on hand and doesn't everyone have stuff on sale right now? What's it gonna hurt to spend an extra fiver on someone else?

So Sunday I purchase a few things and pull a few things from my own stash. I plan to go back to the stores during the week and complete my task. Then yesterday I get this call.

"Hey Super Mommie. This is Neighborhood Naomi. Have you taken your supplies over to Do Gooder Debbie?"

"No, not yet. I'm gonna do that Friday."

"Well, don't."

(pregnant pause)

(( I've always wanted to use "a pregnant pause"))

"I beg your pardon?"

"Don't take anything over. I just came from over there today and found out that we aren't collecting for the apartment complex, we're collecting for Do Gooder Debbie."

(another pregnant pause)

((two in one post!))

"Are you sure?"

Neighborhood Naomi proceeded to tell me that she took her supplies over and DGD told her that she didn't have the right type of dry erase markers. NN explained that all teachers use this kind. Then DGD pulled out her list and said that HER daughter's teacher didn't want that kind. NN asked her who, exactly, where we collecting for. She said mainly her daughter but anyone else that needed supplies could ask her for some.

NN grabbed her supplies and went home to make several irate phone calls. The first one being to the front leasing office.

I'm sure there will be another note on my door today when I get home.

Damn it, I'm ready to move! November can't get here fast enough.

Why is it road rage? I'm not mad at the road!

I didn't think that I had road rage but I guess if you can't drive more than 4 minutes without cussing someone out, perhaps you do.

All this week I have tried to drive to work and back home without cussing, yelling or grunting at someone driving too slow. I have not made it. (sigh)

You know, if people that drive slow would stay in the right lane and only drive during non-rush hours, I wouldn't have to admit that I have a (tiny) touch of road rage. Seriously, I drove behind a car full of people that drove sooooo slooooow I had 2 birthdays while waiting. And then they stopped at every yellow light they thought they saw. We sat through a 1 minute yellow light at one point!

I'm going to change the name from road rage to people rage. I'm not upset with the road. I am upset with the people.

Oh, I know. Don't get angry over things you can't control. I get it. Just move out of my way and we'll both be happy.

Or you'll force me to take control and ram into you super slow car!

Random Venting - School Projects

I hate science and social studies projects. Besides the fact that I am a 37 year old (sexxy) woman and have been out of high school for 19 years, I shouldn't have to assist with one. But, these projects are complex now-a-days. The kids must collect data samples and make hypothesis and create graphs and charts and a project plan and backboard sketch and...and I'm tired, damn it!

The Princess has been working on this project on bones for 2 months now. It's due this Friday and she is in the final stretch of it. She's doing great. She has needed very little assistance and she's done a fine job of getting the things together. I'm just sick of seeing silly putty and crayons all over my kitchen table. I'm tired of hearing rubber gloves snapping and please explain why the backboard has to have 3 versions and all 3 versions have to sprawl the length of my living room floor for 2 weeks.

I know, I know, it builds character. She'll need it in the future. I know that I have needed all of the projects that I did in high school (NOT).

Deep sigh. If I see one more container of silly putty....just keep an eye on the news for angry woman throwing silly putty and crayons at random people.