Dear So and So - The "What A Day - June 14" Edition

Dear Grandma That Is A Spy,
It's not that I don't think you should be allowed to socialize with your family but do you have to do it at 7pm, in front of the apartment building, in the back bed of a pickup truck, so freakin loudly? I can hear you lady! You aren't soft spoken. Neither are the 14 people standing there with you...drinking.


Dear Man At The Grocery Store,
I don't think you know how to count. The sign says 10 items or less. You clearly have a cart full. The Princess stopped counting at 22. The clerk explained that he could get in trouble for ringing your order so he'd do it this time but he couldn't next time. Even after that, you didn't get it. The four people behind you with 3 items each, really wanted you to go to another line. You are an arse-hole.


Dear Woman That Sprayed Air Freshener In The Ladies Bathroom,
I'd have rather you let the natural smell shine through. That floral scent is killer, especially when you spray out half the damned bottle. I couldn't breathe. I had a coughing fit while trying to pee. That's not good.


Dear Person That Wets The Whole Counter Top In The Kitchen At Work,
Don't I complain about you every time I do this? Stop getting water everywhere dumb-arse. There are paper towels in there -- use them.


Dear IT Person,
Don't question my need for a new keyboard. The "Delete", "Ctrl" and right "Shift" keys don't work. No, I don't think I can work around them any longer. I think you need to get me a new keyboard (so that I can finish typing my blog).

Grandma Is A Spy

Let's preface this post by saying my apartment complex has gone downhill since new management took over last year. I'm sure I've mentioned my refrigerator problems, a/c problems, cable stealing issues, "recreational salesperson" issues, electrical outlets that cannot be used issues, etc. Needless to say, I will NOT be renewing my lease.

And now, some body's Grandma sits by the steps and watches my comings and goings.

No, she doesn't sit on her porch or by her door. She sits next to the last step on the stairs. She has to physically get up and move her chair in order for you to pass by -- and it takes her days to actually move the chair! Wouldn't it be easier on you if you would just sit on the other side of the steps? Or (here's a thought) SIT ON YOUR OWN PORCH! We pay extra for these nice patios. It's shaded and everything. You can still see everything that goes on!

I know that sometimes older people don't have anything else to do so they amuse themselves by keeping tabs on all 9 families that live in their unit but do you have to sit you table chair right by the steps? My company is scared to come over. I've had someone actually call me and say, "I'm downstairs. Granny is outside."

Oh. Will you pah-leese keep your grandkid's squawking and mess making to a minimum? There juice and cookie crumbs all over the walkway (He's not eating the cookies lady. He's obviously smashing them up and leaving them on the ground). When he's not making a cookie and juice mess he's yelling very loudly. I open my front door and I hear him hollering at people. He probably wants to go inside the house. Here's an idea...take him there.

And, you do not have to mention that I sure do shop a lot because I'm always taking bags into my place? I don't see where that is any of your business. That makes you noisy and a potential thief. If any of my groceries are missing when I come home, I'm coming to you first old lady.

I think your family members should enroll you in some activities. The senior center has a bus that comes into the neighborhood. They leave an activity list at the front office. I glanced at it when I was paying rent and it looks pretty good. Swimming, painting, exercise class. Go bother those people. I bet they have a front porch you can sit on. Leave me and my household alone.

I actually think Grandma is a spy. It's a good cover. I think one of my exes has paid her to report my every move. I leave the house in the am, she is there. I come home in the pm, she is there. I bet if I came home for a nooner, she'd be there too.

Well keep on spying Granny. You've got until the end of October and then I'm bustin' the hell outta there.

And no, you will not get good tenant ratings.