Dear Thief (part two)

So perhaps you read Dear Thief before it became part one. Well, the jackarse not only defied belief by reattaching the cord out the window, but they nailed it along the wall so you couldn't see it. If I hadn't been spying on the people out front I never would have seen it!!

Let me tell you, this time I was pissed off! You are BLATANTLY trying to rip off this system. So... I called the power company directly.

PowerLady: "Restitution Department." (I am not lying. That's the name of the department).

Supermommie: "Um hi (whispering). I need to report someone that I think, no, I mean I'm pretty sure that they are stealing power."

PowerLady: "Are you standing outside, because if you aren't, you don't have to whisper."

SuperMommie: "Oh, right, sorry."

So I tell her my story and you know what they told me? They have already been out to the complex.

SM: "So I'm not the first person to report this?"

PL: "You aren't even the second."

SM: "Get out of town! So y'all are gonna come back out, right?"

PL: "Yes ma'am we are. We take theft of power very seriously."

SM: "I do too," I said smiling. Then I remembered something very important.

SM: "Hey, I can remain anonymous right?"

PL: "Yes ma'am, you can."

SM: "Am I still illegible for a reward?"

PL: "There isn't a reward."

SM: "Oh, ok."

So I've officially become a snitch and you know what? I don't give a rat's ass! I just plopped down over $100 last month AND my water bill just went up by $11. I'm a single super mommie. I don't have extra money hanging around.

As I have stated once before...if I gotta pay for power, you gotta pay for power.

I still don't understand why there isn't a reward!

Dear Thief...

Dear Jackarse In Apartment 1130,

Yes, I told on you. I told on you long and hard and I LOVED it! You wanna steal? Do it somewhere else buddy! If I gotta pay for power, so do effin you!
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So last week I was off work cleaning up the old hacienda. I had picked up some new pillows and I was spring cleaning the hell outta the place. I went to open the curtains and let some of the beautiful rays of sun in when I noticed an orange cord dangling past my bedroom window.

That's not right! So, I decided to take out my trash (as a ruse for seeing what was going on). You see, our complex has valet trash (hell yeah!) and I don't have to walk my fat bee-hind to the trash dump. It's a nice perk I think others think it's pure-d-lazy. I say, so what?!

Anywho, that day I did and on the way back I realize the cord is coming from apartment 1130.

Well, I called the front office and they sent the maintenance team (two guys in a golf cart) to look at it. They surveyed the area, decided that yes, the folks were stealing power and they unplugged the cord. I guess they musta talked to them too cause the cord was gone when I got back from shopping.

So I go along my merry way spreading joy and happiness everywhere I went and then wham! Sonofabiscuteater! Guess what I saw when I pulled in my "un-assigned but chosen by me" parking space?! They had hooked a YELLOW cord to the same box and had it hanging from the front window.

So... back to my letter.
==================================================


So people in 1130, do you think I'm stupid? It doesn't matter the color! An ORANGE, RED, YELLOW or BLUE cord dangling from the window plugged into the power grid must mean you are stealing power!

Just so you know -- I will call the front office every damned time I see the cord. No, I'm not mean but I'm struggling to make ends meet just the same as you. Every time the power people send me a bill I scream and cuss same as everyone else. But, I pay it and in return for paying it, the nice people at the power place let me have another month's worth of power.

Try it you thief!

I know it sounds harsh but I gotta pay so you gotta pay too! I have no tolerance for people that cheat the system and then I have to pay for your thievery. I've seen that big monstrosity of a truck you drive everyday. Your rims cost more than my car! Sell the rims and pay for power.

If you will steal power, do I need to watch out for my valet trash bin? Are you gonna steal that too? What about my front door mat? Must I tape it down?

I believe my fave Sting song is appropriate here -

Every breath you take, Every move you make, Every bond you break, I'll be watching you.
Signed,

PISSED off neighbor in 1110.

(climbs off the horse).

** hell no, that's not the real apartment number. Do you think I'd really tell you where I live?!

All The Pretty Little Things

I haven't written a word today. I need to write a love scene and my inner sexy has taken a break. She'll be back soon and I'll write it then.

Instead, I'm sitting at my desk pulling out my hair, strand by strand, wondering how long it will take me to go bald. It's. just. that. boring. today.

So, I clicked some links on the webbie-poo and thought I'd let you share in the fruits of my boredom.

This is awesome. I want one! - pencil

I would gain 20lbs making crepes all day - crepe pan

Looking at dressers today. Love it. Gotta find a sponsor to buy it for me - dresser

In my head I'm half British. Sites like this one cement it for me. - Go British

I think The Princess NEEDS these! - straws

My work husband makes this cake the best (I tried and it didn't turn out right). This recipe is sooooo good. Make it! - pound cake

Soft, sexy lips. Super, soft, sexy lips- lip shimmer

The smartest thing every made! brownie

Just darling. I wouldn't mind drinking tea from this - tea cup

Do not eat this sweet treat. How cute! - treat

Enjoy.

Mid Year Assessment

At work I am preparing for my mid year assessment. That's where you, your boss and perhaps someone else that might be a reporting supervisor or team member or something else that has stuff to say about you, sit down and talk about the good, bad and ugly so far for the year. Also, you have to plan for how to complete the goals that you set December 2009 by December 2010.

Okay, I'll bite. Here's my 2010 mid year blog assessment.

1. It's September and I'm doing my mid year assessment. Need anything else on that? Nope? Didn't think so. I give myself a B considering I didn't even think to do a "self" self assessment in June or July.

2. I worked on my 101 in 1001 a little bit. Could I have done better? You bet your sweet patootie. Am I ashamed of what I've done so far? Nope! What can I do to prepare for December 2010? Finish some of the damned list - duh! I'm at 28%, I should be able to get to 35% by then. I give myself a B-.

3. Commenting on other Blogs - Well commenting on new blogs? D. Commenting on my blogger buddies blogs? B. What can I do better? Well I guess surf the net and find new blogs. Not sure that I have that kinda time though. We'll see.

4. Blog Content - Well, I think I'm funny. Even if YOU don't think I am, I think I am (how do you capitalize a capital I? Like that sentence for instance. I capped the YOU but you can't tell that I capped the I. Ponder that, will you?). Oh, and I've begun adding pictures to almost every post. That's pretty good, right? I give myself a B. I may not blog often but the stuff that I blog about is quality. Really, well kinda, but I give myself a B anyway. What can I do to improve? Well, my first order of business is to find out how to do that hover think where when you hover over a word or phrase you can see that the blog author wrote something really snarky or insightful. I'm gonna ask CG if she can help with this. And perhaps I can steal a more exciting life. Then I'd have 'funner' things to talk about.

5. Blog Look - I tried to change the color and stuff a few weeks ago. Then I got bored and stopped. I added a twitter feed. Doesn't that count? No. Okay. I give myself a C. I'll change the color or something later.

Much like my work assessment, I give up after 5. I can't think that hard and still stay awake. At work I wrote 5 reasonably reachable goals and the boss man gave me another one. Feel free to give me a 6th one bloggie friends. Not sayin I'm gonna do anything with it, but fire away.

Oh, yeah, are we getting blog-raises this year? Is it too soon to ask about it? Okay, just wondering.

Wordless Wednesday - Ok, 1 Word

BAM!!

I Charge A $75 Cancellation Fee

I have an hourly rate.

My time is valuable. Don't tell me that we are going to lunch "about 2 o'clock." Don't tell me that you "think" your appointment (the one you want me to attend with you) is on the 18th. Don't tell me that you'll call me and let me know where we are going later. And, don't call me at the last minute and cancel something that you clearly could have cancelled earlier.

I have been very lax about my day planner when it comes to friends and family. Now, when it comes to doctor's and business appointments and such, if I have to wait a moment longer than I think is appropriate, I'm gone. But, when family and friends give "fluffy" times and dates, I let them slide.

Well, I have an hourly rate (I think I mentioned that up top). And, just like English class in college, if you are 16 minutes late, I get to go home. Not sure what time you want to get together for drinks? Well, I'm taking my thirsty arse home and drink there. Don't want to commit to which play you want to see at the theatre? Then tomorrow I'll tell you about the play I went to see by myself.

As I age beautiful (such as fine wines and cheeses) I become more "me" friendly. I've given myself permission to do things for myself. One of those things is to demand respect for my hourly rate.

So, from now on you will respect my hourly rate. I treasure the time that I spend with my friends and family. But, my time has a price tag on it (as should yours). I will charge for missed appointments and overtime. I will not overbook my calendar and I will block out time for returning phone calls, sending letters and quiet time in my office.

And if you don't know how to behave, I will send out letters of release.

101 Things About Me That You May or May Not Have Known

Yep. It's kinda obvious when I run out of blog ideas. BUT, I give you something entertaining, non-the-less.

Here's 101 things about me that you may or may not have known.

1. I am a super mommie.
2. I have 1 daughter.
3. The factory is now closed.
4. I am the oldest of 4 children.
5. My brother is the only boy out of 4 kids.
6. Until I was 36, I didn’t realize that my brother could beat the crap out of me and my sisters. He always let us beat him up, so I thought we really could.
7. My siblings are still traumatized because I made them play mannequin when we where children.
8. My sisters are the best sisters a girl could have. They aren’t shocked by ANYTHING that I say.
9. My brother is the best brother in the world and he is shocked by EVERYTHING that I say.
10. My mother and my aunt are my touchstones. Even though they are crazy, I love them dearly.
11. I am spiritual but not religious. I use to be super religious but no one could answer my questions so I went directly to the source.
12. I ran away from home at 4. After I finished dinner at the neighbor’s house, I came home.
13. My mother and I had never spent more than 3 days apart until I was 16.
14. When I was 20 I moved to VA with my first husband. I cried the entire way there.
15. I moved back to GA when I was 24 and all but danced a jig.
16. I’m an Air Force Brat.
17. I’ve lived in the following places; Louisiana, Alabama, Georgia, Utah, New Mexico, England, and Virginia.
18. My favorite place to live has been Georgia.
19. My place to visit has been England.
20. New Mexico runs a close second in both areas.
21. I love watching baseball and football.
22. I was a water girl for the football team in high school.
23. I would rather pierce body parts with a rusty needle than watch basketball.
24. I’m 5’4 ½ “.
25. That “½” is very important to me. I had to fight with a nurse to get it in my medical chart.
26. I’ve never broken any bones.
27. My only major surgery was childbirth (oh and dental surgery).
28. I love shoes but I’m very picky.
29. I have the world’s biggest collection of hanging earrings. (OK, the record people haven’t checked, but I’m sure it’s close).
30. I miss the art of snail mail.
31. I try to mail out at least one letter and one postcard every two weeks.
32. I am a germaphobe.
33. I live in organized chaos.
34. I like to plan things out.
35. I DO NOT like surprises – AT ALL!
36. I like things in even numbers.
37. I would read books and magazines all day if I had the chance.
38. I’d cook and then eat all day if I wouldn’t get fat.
39. I’d “ski” most of the day if I found the right “skiing partner”.
40. I am a very happy person…unless I’m not happy --- then no one is happy.
41. If I kinda don’t want to do something, I might do it.
42. If I absolutely DO NOT want to do something, I won’t and there’s very little you can say to make me.
43. I would marry a good cup of coffee today if it asked me to.
44. I don’t believe in do-overs or regrets. Everything happens for a reason.
45. I only use scented markers. It makes the workday go faster.
46. I miss the bingo halls in VA.
47. I love 80’s music.
48. Early 90’s music is the soundtrack of my love life.
49. I could spend my entire Saturday watching romance movies from the 1960’s.
50. I hate expressways. I’d take back roads everywhere if I could.
51. I have an irrational fear of zebras.
52. I don’t like cats – at all!
53. I was a waitress at the Cr@cker B@rrel for 3 days. I hated it and cried every night when I got off work.
54. I took obituary calls at the local newspaper for 3 days and decided that it wasn’t the right job for me – I didn’t cry everyday after work though.
55. I had my first kiddie kiss with Will Rogers in 2nd grade - Lakenheath AFB. If you are out there Will, it was great!
56. I had my first real kiss when I was 15.
57. It was a slobbery, yukky mess.
58. Saddly, that was not my worst kiss!
59. My best kiss ever was December 2006.
60. I’ve been married twice.
61. Once I am finished with a relationship, that’s it, I’m done.
62. I’ve only been “in love” once. I’ve loved many times.
63. I’d run my second ex over in my car if I saw him on the street (and then back over him for good measure).
64. I’m best of friends with my first ex.
65. I’m obsessed with all things British.
66. I’m obsessed with all things “kitchen”.
67. I LURVE to cook.
68. I love going to the grocery store.
69. Shopping (of any sort) relaxes me.
70. I HATE dating. If I could find Mr. Number Three without dating, I would.
71. I am a vegetarian. I did it for me.
72. I won’t tell you what you can/can’t/should/shouldn’t eat.
73. I try to recycle and create a small carbon footprint.
74. I won’t die if I have to throw away a bottle or take a flight some where.
75. I love airplanes. I think you can whisper to God when you’re on a plane cause you’re right there near his ear.
76. I have about 101 romance novels in me just waiting to be written and published.
77. I don’t fear death.
78. I don’t overly mourn peoples passing. I think that’s selfish. They’ve completed their journey in life – let them go on in peace.
79. I don’t care for beaches.
80. I’m comfortable with my weight.
81. Because my doctor isn’t comfortable with my weight, I try to keep it down. She’s the boss of me right now.
82. I HATE exercise.
83. I walk every day (when I feel like it) and practice yoga often because I don’t want arthritis when I’m old and I’m convinced this will help.
84. The only way I’d run is if my arse was on fire.
85. My favorite number is 16.
86. My next favorite number is 3.
87. I don’t have a favorite color.
88. My brother thinks that it is crazy that I don’t have a favorite color (I guess that’s a fact about him not me. Oh well).
89. My second favorite body part is/are my toes. When they are all painted up for the summer – watch out!!
90. I’m not telling what my first favorite body part is, but I really like them.
91. I love the warm/hot summer months.
92. I am not a fan of cold winter months.
93. Give me a warm day, an adult slushie and a good book and I am good for the afternoon.
94. I love a hot bubble bath with lush bath gels.
95. I love to coupon my way through a shopping trip.
96. If there is something that I really want, I’ll spend good money to get it.
97. I have voted in 95% of the elections since I was legally able to vote. That includes the one-off elections for local offices. I figure if you don’t vote, you can’t complain.
98. If you aren’t doing a good job in office, I’m gonna complain.
99. I like hot sauce on my eggs.
100. I like ice cold milk.
101. The best day of my life was October 2, 1996.

My toes are suffocating!!

Is it sandal weather yet?

I'm ready. I don't like the cold -- I believe everyone knows that. The past few months have been waaaay more winter than I need. So, what did I do today during my down time?

Well, I'll tell you...

Ok, one of these shoes is not one that I've been dreaming of. No, I'm not going to tell you which one. You figure it out (wink, wink).

Know what you don't know.

I learned a new lesson this evening. Well, no. I didn't learn something new -- I gained understanding of something that I had been told many times before.

A good friend of mine use to always say to me, "Know what you don't know." That phrase seems very simple but most of us probably don't heed the warning. I certainly didn't.

I help people. It's a part of my DNA. Even when I don't particularly want to help, I do. I found out after weeks of trying to help someone, I had limited knowledge of what they needed. I thought that it would be easy to take the knowledge I did have and turn it into a helpful deed. Instead, I wasted precious time. I would have helped them more by simply saying, "I don't know." Then, they could have found out what they needed and finished what they started.

I think that we (I) have a fear of disappointing people by revealing that there are things that we don't know. The truth is, no one will be disappointed if we don't know everything. I initially felt like terrible for not saying that I didn't know for sure two weeks ago. I apologized profusely to my friend. She asked what I was apologizing for. I told her for wasting her time. She said instead of just her learning something new we both did. She said there were no apologies needed. She really is a good friend.

Dear So and So...

Dear lady in line at the pu.bl.ix checkout,

I don't want to hear how painful your bikini wax was. And I really don't care if your boyfriend doesn't appreciate it. Please remember that when you talk on the cell phone, I can't hear your stupid friend's side of the conversation, but I sure can hear your ignorant side.

AND, you already knew that you didn't want the three things that you put back. Now the nice bag boy has to go put the ice cream, soda and cheese back.



Dear man that asked me to help you pick out cheese,

That is the worse pick up line I've ever heard and I've heard some doozies. If you can't pick out cheese, I can't help you. Look at my basket. I have things in my basket that you can't spell, let alone pronounce. And your dumb behind thinks that your lack of cheddar cheese knowledge will help? Ummm, no. Anyone vying for the position of "Companion to Super Mommie" will know what cheese to get and what wine goes with it.

And next time, please make sure your breath isn't funky when you talk to people.

What is with the cheese theme today?


Dear young lady in the light blue leggings and see through top,

I don't think you are a lady of the evening. I mean you don't appear to be one as you sit at the bus stop reading the latest copy of "()h " magazine. The weather is nice but you need a jacket on, especially with that purple see through top. No, we won't even discuss the fact that you don't match. If you aren't a lady of the evening, stop dressing like it. If you are a lady of the evening, then you need to wear high heels. You won't make extra money with tennis shoes on.


Dear really cute guy in the car next to me,

Do you always come to this intersection on Sunday afternoons? I saw you look over and smile. I smiled back. And then, the light turned green and we had to part ways. Parting really was sweet sorrow. You could have been "Companion to Super Mommie" --- well, do you know what wine goes with brie?

Why is it road rage? I'm not mad at the road!

I didn't think that I had road rage but I guess if you can't drive more than 4 minutes without cussing someone out, perhaps you do.

All this week I have tried to drive to work and back home without cussing, yelling or grunting at someone driving too slow. I have not made it. (sigh)

You know, if people that drive slow would stay in the right lane and only drive during non-rush hours, I wouldn't have to admit that I have a (tiny) touch of road rage. Seriously, I drove behind a car full of people that drove sooooo slooooow I had 2 birthdays while waiting. And then they stopped at every yellow light they thought they saw. We sat through a 1 minute yellow light at one point!

I'm going to change the name from road rage to people rage. I'm not upset with the road. I am upset with the people.

Oh, I know. Don't get angry over things you can't control. I get it. Just move out of my way and we'll both be happy.

Or you'll force me to take control and ram into you super slow car!

Random Venting - School Projects

I hate science and social studies projects. Besides the fact that I am a 37 year old (sexxy) woman and have been out of high school for 19 years, I shouldn't have to assist with one. But, these projects are complex now-a-days. The kids must collect data samples and make hypothesis and create graphs and charts and a project plan and backboard sketch and...and I'm tired, damn it!

The Princess has been working on this project on bones for 2 months now. It's due this Friday and she is in the final stretch of it. She's doing great. She has needed very little assistance and she's done a fine job of getting the things together. I'm just sick of seeing silly putty and crayons all over my kitchen table. I'm tired of hearing rubber gloves snapping and please explain why the backboard has to have 3 versions and all 3 versions have to sprawl the length of my living room floor for 2 weeks.

I know, I know, it builds character. She'll need it in the future. I know that I have needed all of the projects that I did in high school (NOT).

Deep sigh. If I see one more container of silly putty....just keep an eye on the news for angry woman throwing silly putty and crayons at random people.

Holiday Random Schnitzel

It's all done! I am ready to sit back and let the holiday season over take me with glee. All the purchases have been made. I've finished my 527th batch of cookies. I've almost completed my last day of work for the season. What's left to do? Nuthin! Nuthin at all!

I was very good this year. I started putting a few dollars away in October (after the annual Princess Birthday Bash) so once the shopping season hit, I was able to make my purchases with ease. I decided to only buy a few co-worker gifts and make cookies for everyone else. And, I saved my light work for today and I've spent the morning eating things with tons of sugar, drinking coffee and pretending to do that light work, just like everyone else. Oh happy day.

(Sorry, someone just brought in hot Krispy Kreme donuts. I'm just licking the glaze off my keyboard).

Actually, I lied int the first paragraph. I said there was nuthin left to do. Actually there is.

-- Wrap the gazillion things that I bought The Princess (and by wrap I mean put it in gift bags and put it under the tree).
-- Watch The Sound of Music, cause I told the Tall Girl I would (it better be good!).
-- Listen to Johnny Mathis 1 last time before putting him away for the season.
-- Drink 1 more pint of eggnog before retiring it for the season.
-- Stimulate the economy on the week of December 28th by purchasing next year's Christmas stuff at 50-75% off.
-- Prepare for the Twilight Zone New Years eve marathon.
-- Buy 1 more piece of exercise equipment because I have to remove the 10 damned pounds I added this past month!!

Fa la la la la, la la, la la. Now, excuse me. I have to take a two hour lunch (not really that different from any other day, huh?!).

“The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” Bertrand Russell

I spent the better part of the day blog surfing. Awesome way to waste a Sunday if I do say so myself. The Princess was working on her "What Do Bones Do," project so I had to be 'at the ready' to assist. She didn't need much help so I was able to happily glide from one blog to another. I enjoyed myself but I noticed some stuff.

1. Mommie blogs and food blogs must make up 99.99% of the blogosphere. Everywhere I turned there was another one. Some were cute, some were sweet but the best ones were total cut ups! They were moms and dads like myself, that don't waste time talking about our perfection. Instead they talk about the drama and the trials of being a parent. I must have added 20 blogs to my reader; I see those 72 books that I need to read, not getting read!

2. American bloggers in London or any other European city make my day. The ones that talk in depth about museums and restaurants are so wonderful! If people go into details about their day, using European locations as points of reference, I feel as if I'm really there! If they show you how to cook food from that country, I find it delightful. If they use both American and European measurements, I melt. It makes me feel as if I'm in the city that birthed me (ok, in my mind I'm from London. Sorry Louisiana).


3. Food bloggers make me hungrier than I already am. Food bloggers always take pretty pictures. It makes me want to drool. I added 15 things to my collection of "stuff I have to make right now". Sure, I'll only make 1 of those things ever, but it's nice to window shop.

4. Most bloggers pick a topic and stay there. There are a few like me, that cook and rant and talk about my really exciting life but most have decided on one thing... or they have more than one blog. Sorry, I just barely have time to talk to these 4 people. I can't talk to another 4 on a different blog!

Yeah, yeah...I could have read a book or gone outside and jogged or washed dishes but I decided not to. Instead I peeked into lives, added comments where I needed to but mostly laughed because almost everyone that blogs is the same -- they are people that don't think they are very funny but in reality they are hilarious.

Keep it up people. You help to make my Sunday shine!