Grandma Is A Spy

Let's preface this post by saying my apartment complex has gone downhill since new management took over last year. I'm sure I've mentioned my refrigerator problems, a/c problems, cable stealing issues, "recreational salesperson" issues, electrical outlets that cannot be used issues, etc. Needless to say, I will NOT be renewing my lease.

And now, some body's Grandma sits by the steps and watches my comings and goings.

No, she doesn't sit on her porch or by her door. She sits next to the last step on the stairs. She has to physically get up and move her chair in order for you to pass by -- and it takes her days to actually move the chair! Wouldn't it be easier on you if you would just sit on the other side of the steps? Or (here's a thought) SIT ON YOUR OWN PORCH! We pay extra for these nice patios. It's shaded and everything. You can still see everything that goes on!

I know that sometimes older people don't have anything else to do so they amuse themselves by keeping tabs on all 9 families that live in their unit but do you have to sit you table chair right by the steps? My company is scared to come over. I've had someone actually call me and say, "I'm downstairs. Granny is outside."

Oh. Will you pah-leese keep your grandkid's squawking and mess making to a minimum? There juice and cookie crumbs all over the walkway (He's not eating the cookies lady. He's obviously smashing them up and leaving them on the ground). When he's not making a cookie and juice mess he's yelling very loudly. I open my front door and I hear him hollering at people. He probably wants to go inside the house. Here's an idea...take him there.

And, you do not have to mention that I sure do shop a lot because I'm always taking bags into my place? I don't see where that is any of your business. That makes you noisy and a potential thief. If any of my groceries are missing when I come home, I'm coming to you first old lady.

I think your family members should enroll you in some activities. The senior center has a bus that comes into the neighborhood. They leave an activity list at the front office. I glanced at it when I was paying rent and it looks pretty good. Swimming, painting, exercise class. Go bother those people. I bet they have a front porch you can sit on. Leave me and my household alone.

I actually think Grandma is a spy. It's a good cover. I think one of my exes has paid her to report my every move. I leave the house in the am, she is there. I come home in the pm, she is there. I bet if I came home for a nooner, she'd be there too.

Well keep on spying Granny. You've got until the end of October and then I'm bustin' the hell outta there.

And no, you will not get good tenant ratings.


  1. LMAO....Leave Gladys Kravitz, I mean Grandma alone.

  2. Oh man. I would be SO ANNOYED if she had to physically move her chair (in extreme slo-mo) for me to walk by. I would really want to move apartments just to avoid her.

    But if I really did live there, I would not move apartments. I would blog about it incessantly. I'd have to create a doodle of her sitting there, too.