It's not me, it's you.

I dated a chef once. Did I ever tell you that? Being that I love food, I thought that it would work out beautifully! Well, it didn't. Two cooks in the kitchen make for a lot of arguments. Fighting over the proper use of spices is not "hot" as you would think it would be. It just makes you wonder how heavy a cast iron skillet really is and can you make "it" look like an accident.

I dated a pretty boy twice. They hogged the mirror, used more "products" than I have EVER used and gave me reason to wonder if metrosexual was hiding something deeper, darker in their past.

I've dated (1)/married(1) guys that made fun of my being a veggie girl. I know. I should have held a pillow over their head in while they were sleeping. I thought about it...a lot. I mean threatening to eat a bleeding hamburger in front of me just incites me to help make YOU that bleeding hamburger. I didn't threaten to throw salads and tofu patties at them but perhaps I should have.

I've dated/married snorers and it didn't bother me (sorry Tall Girl). However, people that talk AND walk in their sleep freak me out. And, I won't tell you what else this particular guy did in his sleep cause I was starting to enjoy it....UNTIL I REALIZED HE WAS FREAKIN SLEEP!!!! Wake up for that dude!

I say all of this for my good friend VA Girl (Yea! Now you have a name!). You asked me if you were being too picky and would it be wrong to break if off with him. Yes, you can be picky but I don't think you are being picky. Yes, you can break it off with him. I just think that latex man is not right for you. (No, I will not explain that one even though it is so funny it will make you pee your pants). He seems nice when I've talked to him but I think you are not the type of woman he needs (I think there are some bunny ranches in Nevada he can go to or he can look on Cr@igslist).

It's ok to not like stuff about him and use that as your excuse to say, "It's not me, it's you." You gave him 6 months and you don't feel for him the way he and his bag of latex tricks feel about you. If you continue this relationship, you'll just gather more reasons to stab him in his sleep later.

And I don't have bail money. I have to save for summer camp for The Princess. BUT, I will put $10 on your commissary.

It's STILL the most wonderful time of the year!

In case you haven't caught the subtle hints in my posts, I LURVE the holidays! I have made out my turkey day shopping list (which does not include a turkey but does include a tofurky roast and a mushroom gravy). I pulled out my big girl pants (the ones with the elastic waist) and dropped my pie plates off at my mother's house (they will be filled with sweet potato goodness when I pick them back up).

About this time every year, The Princess sets in to holiday mode too. Her only thoughts are, "When can we put up the Christmas Tree", "When are we gonna make cake/pie/cookies", and "Can we turn to the log channel?"

On Thanksgiving day, we deck the halls with garland and homemade Christmas snow flakes. I pull out the candle holders and holiday trinkets and we always put up our little tree. It's a little 3 foot tree with smaller ornaments and twinkling chaser lights. Since The Princess was a baby, twinkling lights have been soothing to her. I could have them up all year and have a peaceful, calm child. Hmmm....

Then I pull out the holiday cookie cutters. At last count (and it's probably really off) I have about 250 cookie cutters. I've divided them into plastic bags by holiday. The Princess pulls out all of the Thanksgiving and Christmas ones and we go to down rolling out dough and making cookies galore. Between work, holiday visitors and late night nibbling, the 144 cookies that the recipe yields will be gone in no time.

Do I need to tell you about the "log channel"? The Princess discovered the channel that broadcasts the Christmas yuletide log about 4 years ago and has gotten a kick out of it ever since. She insists on having the channel on anytime company comes over. She takes the time to explain to each person (it doesn't matter if she told you last year) that it isn't a real fire--it's only a TV channel. Hey, it's the little things right?

If I don't chat with you before, have a Happy Thanksgiving. Don't eat too much and don't spend too much Friday.

Yeah right!